Dear Sis B,
How to reject a nice suitor without him getting hurt and discouraged?

Love,

Sis Black Pink

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Dear Sis Black Pink,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I must be honest that I have been staring at the photo of Saint Josemaria Escriva, the Saint of ordinary life and founder of Opus Dei and praying that he intercedes for me because I find your predicament no ordinary. This is the kind of problem only known to the sweet, charming and unassuming Godesses, like me.

Of course. No one can contest when a mother “indoctrinated” her daughter how beautiful she is. LOL.

Seriously speaking I would like to take note and sends you honor for wanting to hear ways of rejecting a nice guy nicely. Perhaps, the difficulty of rejecting him comes from that fact you find this guy nice and nice guys are rewarded with nice attention. I have three big concepts for you.

One, nice guys just like any one of us deserves to know the truth.

It is not the truth that hurts but false hopes and lies do.

Two, if you only find him nice but not attractive enough, maybe it’s time to check and reflect on the non-negotiable qualities you are looking for a lifetime marriage partner. I am not saying that you date a non-good-looking guy but what I am saying is that you LOOK CLOSELY on that nice guy’s physical look and discover what will attract you. I am not forcing you to be attracted to him but I am encouraging you to give this nice guy a second look. Most of the time, nice guys gain a certain degree of handsomeness using a pair of “wise” eyes.

Should you find him not suitable for you after a thorough thinking and sincere praying that led to your decision to reject him, then ask him to meet you. Say your available timings and let him choose his prefered time out from the options that you have provided. Let him know right away that this meeting will be quick and not easy for you to do. If you have been going out, I am sure you have noted how he usually does things so apply those in this meeting.

Three, please look this “announcement” as his liberation so you will also be freed from any guilt or sadness that this “announcement” would possibly caused him. Tell him words from your heart but refined by your mind. Here is a suggestion used by a sister previously and it worked for the brother to remain positive in his search and even more passionate in serving God.

“We have been spending time together and I truly enjoyed that time. I deeply appreciate your efforts and prayers for me. Thank you. But after reflecting on what is in my heart and how I see our communication, I think we better stop spending our time exclusively. Please stop courting and I want you to search and find that special girl who truly is meant for you and you can only do that if you would stop communicating with me, at least for awhile. Let’s also stop our frequent and nightly calls.”

If he asks you a question, then, just answer truthfully and gently.

There will be awkward silence, but I’m telling you to bear the awkward silence rather than giving him extended false hopes.

I will pray for you and may you be found by the one who is the longing of your heart and answer to your prayers.

Love and Beauty,
B

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Thank you for reading.

Please share your tips and thoughts on rejecting a suitor!

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Sometimes, the most enlightening words that can dispel the darkness gripping the course of our life will not come from mouth of well-known speakers neither from written words from self – help books’ authors or generally from other’s prodding, but will come from our own words, from the counsel of our own heart.

Last Christmas, my single heart was feeling the romance of Christmas. I might have watched too much of Hallmark movies on previous months that it caused me to feel empty in the season of reunions, weddings and gift-giving. The feeling of aloneness was even made worse with the situation that I will work on Christmas day and New Year’s eve, literally alone. I fought hard not to be given a task on the Christmas day but all my reasons were left unheard for according to our yearly work schedule, it is everyone from the team’s turn to go on holiday except me. This even before Christmas made me unhappy.

So, on early Christmas morning, I packed a portion from the food left of the Christmas eve dinner with my friends, then headed to work. As an overseas worker, I do not live with my family but I stay with friends. After 12 hours of duty, I was ready to head home. But, when I reached home, there was total darkness. I only then remembered that my friends and their children went to a short holiday getaway and left the country while I was in the office. So, I am left alone in the silent and dark house on a Christmas night.

Trust me that I have been single since forever and I know how to deal with loneliness of aloneness but not on this Christmas day.

I know the drill every single time I feel the loneliness of aloneness and singleness. I have to remember the many gifts of single life that I have. The gift of freedom, the gift of freedom and the gift of freedom. Eerrr… what are the other gifts of Single life, again, Benia?

I must be drowning with loneliness that I forgot the other gifts of single life.
I went to open the Christmas lights and cuddled my lonesome self at the couch.

I have enough of all the single life drama from my own stories and other friends, that I don’t want to make my first Christmas night alone to be a night of drama.

I put on make-up and fix my hair and prepared the table like that day was a Christmas day. I said the grace before meal and talked to the Lord to be with me and send me His angels.

As I ate, I told myself to call my family again after my dinner. I remembered all the gifts that I have received and I didn’t open yet as I waited for this Christmas night. While I ate, I dared to ask myself, “Why am I alone on this Christmas night?”

I am alone because I am overseas because of work. I am alone because I don’t have a family yet… As I chew my food inside my mouth, I chew every reason why I’m still single. An array of past situations and decisions that I made got played inside my head, of missed chances and unopenness attitude. There at that table, alone, I realized I’ve been living so comfortably and didn’t make big decisions that somehow told me I lack courage specially in the area of dating. I made myself to stay in the safe zone and did not make myself open to possibilities. I have not executed my plans to find ways of meeting new people and even listened to my doubts that I rejected past invitations.

I reassured my heart:

“I am not making things hard for myself while I tried to answer that question, “Why am I alone on this Christmas?” I am making things happen, heart. Because we don’t want to be like this every single Christmas to come. This set up will be just temporary.”

It was like a root-cause analysis and implementing corrective – preventive actions, my actual job skill, that I am doing on my actual life.

I counselled my heart not to be lonely with this literal emptiness but to be grateful because there is a chance to change the course of the direction of my life. That this night is a night where the Lord is showing what is important to me and that is relationship, of good relationships. Good relationships that define the meaning and joy in my life, that my decision should be based first and foremost by the question of who and not secondary by why.

I countinued to counsel my heart while I cleared the table and washed the dishes, to revive all the true friendships I have lost along the way and keep those that profoundly matter and drop all those who are exactly opposite, the users and the energy – drainers and the self – righteous. I also counselled my heart to identify what type of events to drop out of my life.

By the end of my dinner and done with packing of another food portion that I will bring for the next day’s work, I felt the revival of my heart. I felt so happy. In this solitude, I counselled my heart and I felt joy.

Before going to sleep, I opened all presents I received from friends and sent a thank-you- message to each one. Then, I called my parents and sister for another greeting for I already talked to them during the Christmas eve. I said a prayer of gratitude and I switched – on my lamp stand happy and at peace.

Dear Single Me, thank you for allowing your heart to understand your mistakes. Thank you, heart, for your courage and hope.

__________

Maybe as the new year starts, why not take a good amount of quality time of understanding, listening and speaking of your heart to your heart?

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Please like and share, if only you would. Thank you!!

Please leave a comment of how your last Christmas Eve or Day went. I would love to hear it.

Love and Beauty,

B

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Dear Sis B,
Before we wed, we kept a happy and stable long distance relationship for years. We did not meet online but, after, I decided to work overseas our communication happened mostly through online.

During the first month of our marriage, I found tons of messages from one girl in his phone. All those messages were sent before our wedding. I remembered the latest was sent several months before our wedding. It was clear to me that something was going – on. I brought this discovery to his knowledge which later on resulted to a big fight. It was our first big fight and first time for me to be shoved.

I did my own “investigation” and resulted to series of fights almost every night with screaming and at times, him getting physical on me.

I feel so numb writing this email to you. I just want to unload for it is too heavy to carry alone.

Sis Happy-less
__________________

Dear Sis Happy-less,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I just want to tell you that I prayed for you and your husband the moment I saw your email.

I am so thankful that you reached to me. I know that this will be an avenue towards to gaining of more courage on seeking help. I know that this is just a start of series of unloading.

Something in me is telling me that more than words, you just want someone to listen to you. And I know and sure that there are a lot of concerned and willing FEMALE true friends who know you and your husband personally who can listen to you in a more personal way.

The works of evil continue to lurk and can only damage in the dark, so, please CONTINUE to seek the light. Please continue to speak to reach out for help and guidance.

Help will come your way.

You are anonymous to me but you are not anonymous to any of your wedding God-parents. Please seek counsel from any of your closest God-parent.

If you are not safe, please seek a safe place. Now.

I will pray for you, more than anything else for your peace of mind and safety. For I know, any princess can bear hurtful words for long but not bruises neither slight “shove”.

Carry – on, Sis.
I am sure you prayed for a happy marriage, so, fight for it, please continue to reach out. Please continue to pray.

Love and Beauty,
B

I drew – out another annual goals for this year of 2019. Writing is easy but thinking and choosing the priorities are the hardest.

Through the years, I have learned that the bottle neck of all my dreams is not about other persons but me, myself and I.

An essential amount of maturity led met to realize that dreams and fulfillment are all about me, myself and I. The rest will be just secondary to the me, myself and I.

I have learned trough the years that I have to avoid the feeling of frustrations because the moment that feeling sets in, I loose hope to carry – on. I have learned that as a person I can bear sadness, loneliness and aloneness but the fire to continue to work on whatever kind of endeavor that I am acting on is put – off once the feeling of frustration knocks and stays.
With that knowledge in mind, I need to avoid the feeling of frustration.

Avoiding and Recovering from Feeling of Frustrations Led Me to Self-Awareness

As explored that discovery about myself, I was led to train myself to be aware of things that make me feel frustrated. I have two ways to win over the feeling frustration, first is to avoid (when the frustration is knocking) and second is to recover (kicking – out the feeling of frustration out of the system).

I am no great achiever, but I tried to execute these two ways through prayer time, my quiet

time with the Lord, every. single. day.
_____________________
Prayer Time Is Building Your Relationship With the Lord

When I joined Singles for Christ, a Catholic charismatic community, in 2001, I was thought to pray from the heart. In no time, I fell in love with the Lord. I started talking to Him quietly by spending few minutes every start of the day. I was told by my Catholic renewal leaders that prayer is a communication and is a dialogue. Since this is a dialogue, I should not be alone talking here. Otherwise, this will be called a monologue. This was where reading the daily gospel came to the picture.

That silent moment from the world but actively in tune with God is the avenue to express my being without limitations and hear His Word for me.

I can be me and He can be God. What was most beautiful is that even though I can be me truly me, He never has given me bad words about me, myself and I. Not even a single, short word.

I guess that’s the first thing that made me build and continue the silent time with God, He accepts me.

“I must be wonderful to be accepted by this God.”

Eighteen years after the day I fell in love with prayer time, I still get teary – eyed to believe and feel that, “I must be wonderful to be accepted by this God.”

Believing my own kind of wonder, I was led to discover about me, appreciate about me. This me I realized has weakness and strength and as years progress (Thank God), age comes to play with my beautiful complexities.

When in the first place I wanted only to build a relationship with Him, God introduced me to a person special to His eyes. He reveals to me that He got the thrill of His Lordship when His created this person – Me.

“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. There was evening and there was morning: the sixth day.”
Genesis 1:31

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To be continued…. (Knowing Me Means Being Compassionate to Others)

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Thank you and God bless,

With Love and Beauty,

B

Trust that the Lord hears all our prayers. He answers those with the best of His love.

For this new year, may you find His wisdom to His answers to your prayers.

Sharing a prayer.

Prayer for Wisdom

I ask God for strength that I might achieve, I was made weak that I might learn to obey.

I ask for health that I might do great things,
I was given infirmities that I might do better things.

I ask riches that I might be happy, I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I ask for power that I might have the praise of men, I was given weakness that I might feel the need for God.

I ask for all things that I might enjoy life, I was given life that I might enjoy things.

Amen.

Report says that only 2% of the entire population of the wholewide world has the chance to keep their childhood friends until they reach their death beds. I am one of that 2%. And that is one of my greatest blessings.

I lost Grace, my friend since the time I can not read nor write, last year after a 5-year battle with breast cancer. She was both a source of influence and surprises to me. She even in her last moments did not fail to surprise me. During the last night of the wake, I asked her brothers to take a nap while I volunteered to keep watch through out the early morning.

Before I continue my story, let me share a another story first.
In my seventeen years of membership of the charismatic community, my first ever ministry that I joined was to pray for the dead family members of fellow singles. So, almost every week during the first two years, I had free meals because of wake events where we prayed and sung “Till the end of my days..” One of my leaders even said that if ever we were paid, then, we could have earned at least our transport allowance for the whole month because our group was always called for that kind of event.

But, it was far more different and I must say, difficult for Grace’s time. When I was praying the Prayer for the Dead and singing “Till the end of my days, Oh Lord. I will bless Your name. Sing You praise. Give You thanks. All my days…” in a soft voice, I was wholeheartedly accepting the end of our friendship.
After praying, I placed my phone on a table to take a selfie and her coffin at the background. I set the timer to 5 seconds but before it reached 5, I thought I heard someone called “Benia”. There was no one else in the room and I know that was Grace sending her surprise, maybe her last surprise and accepting wholeheartedly the end of our friendship.

The last time that I visited her, she promised that we will meet outside and not anymore in her house. While her coffin was lowered to the ground, I realized that she kept her promise.

And life continues.

2019 Plans and A New Grace, A New Bestfriend

On my 2019 plans, I did not write down a dream that has been in my annual plans, first time for many years. This year, I did not write, “To be a Bride.” Instead, I wrote a new dream, a new prayer, “Be blessed with a new Grace, another best friend.”
I know that there would be no one like Grace. Her memories will always have a special spot in my heart. But, I also know that it’s never late to find and keep a new grace, a new best friend. A best friend who stays and decides to stay a friend despite all odds. A best friend who brings your soul closer to the Lord. A bestfriend who enriches your life and makes life easier and happier to live in. A best friend who is also a God’s gift.
So, this year I am not praying for a spouse for the first time in many years but I am praying for a new bestfriend.
Or, who knows the Lord will send me a bachelor version of Grace.
❤️

Dear Lord, thank You for your endless grace. I received one through Grace. Please hug Grace today for me. I know if she was to tell me a new dream, she would tell me this again, “Benia, find a new bestfriend, someone like me but unlike me in many ways. Someone, maybe who can also be your spouse.”

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Praying for another best friend this year?

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