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Benia Pajes Densing

Achives

REFLECTIONS

Beniapple

Due to my desperation leading to confusion state in putting an end to my  writinglessness, I browsed all the pages of my journal from 2009 to 2016 in good faith that I would be able to break the spell. I did not get any out-of-this-world nor never-been-told inspirations from my revisitation of old journals, but, found few lines that brought me back to that very time and sent my heart to home. Lines which I consider as treasures that I learned during those times of hardest challenges at surgery operating rooms, at MRI room, park, churches or own room. Lines that were borne from the mystery of life called suffering.

These lines are lessons captured in the momentarily, short to become a torch of light but just cute to be sparks. However briefly, it certainly brought light that guided my way to reach the end of the long and dark tunnel during my life’s deepest challenges, that reached me to overcome life challenges and emerged healthy and sane. (Thank you, Lord) 

Sharing my top 7 “sparks”. I have chosen the lines I kept on writing and actions I kept on displaying all throughout the season of sickness and recovery which I documented through journal entries.

1. Befriend your inner silence. 

The fact that my journal blew into a greater proportion during the toughest of times during my fight against breast cancer scare, I found strength of the heart and clarity of thoughts in my alone time, my prayers spoken through silent words in writing.

2. Be open to the care of strangers.

It will make you a humble person. With humility, comes in a short distance gratitude.

3. Fight to stay grateful. 

Gratitude allows your endurance to grow. Don’t lose sight of tiniest things that bring you joy. When I heard the medical results from the doctor that the best way to combat the active tumor growing around my body, my initial reaction was to console a friend who came with me to the clinic. She was the one who cried first and I comforted her. The idea that I have this good friend all ready to be stand by my side was one of the hard-to-ignore blessings that kept me grateful all throughout the darkest season. 

4. Forgive yourself.

Forgiving yourself is allowing yourself to identify the wrong things you’ve done and allowing yourself to understand the chronology of your actions.

5. Believe that God is merciful. His mercy is unmeasurable.

Believing that God is merciful is the only way that calmed my heart literally on those all occasions of medical surgeries. I will not be abandoned.

6. Hum your favourite hymn. And hum it during the darkest time until a new morning arrives.

During the course of the medical investigation to determine the extent of a tumor in my body, I had go through an MRI test and got myself inside that tube for straight 2 hours. I went to the clinic alone and the only reason why I was able to stay there and almost without interruption was to hum the song “You” by Carpenters against the noise like a crushing hammer of the medical equipment.

7. Leave a room for mystery. Do not attempt to completely understand every event. For in every mystery in life, God has a reason.

It is my hope that I was able to send you a spark today.

Love and Beauty,
B

_________

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I will truly appreciate it. Thank you! God bless.

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