Dear Sis B,
How to reject a nice suitor without him getting hurt and discouraged?

Love,

Sis Black Pink

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Dear Sis Black Pink,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I must be honest that I have been staring at the photo of Saint Josemaria Escriva, the Saint of ordinary life and founder of Opus Dei and praying that he intercedes for me because I find your predicament no ordinary. This is the kind of problem only known to the sweet, charming and unassuming Godesses, like me.

Of course. No one can contest when a mother “indoctrinated” her daughter how beautiful she is. LOL.

Seriously speaking I would like to take note and sends you honor for wanting to hear ways of rejecting a nice guy nicely. Perhaps, the difficulty of rejecting him comes from that fact you find this guy nice and nice guys are rewarded with nice attention. I have three big concepts for you.

One, nice guys just like any one of us deserves to know the truth.

It is not the truth that hurts but false hopes and lies do.

Two, if you only find him nice but not attractive enough, maybe it’s time to check and reflect on the non-negotiable qualities you are looking for a lifetime marriage partner. I am not saying that you date a non-good-looking guy but what I am saying is that you LOOK CLOSELY on that nice guy’s physical look and discover what will attract you. I am not forcing you to be attracted to him but I am encouraging you to give this nice guy a second look. Most of the time, nice guys gain a certain degree of handsomeness using a pair of “wise” eyes.

Should you find him not suitable for you after a thorough thinking and sincere praying that led to your decision to reject him, then ask him to meet you. Say your available timings and let him choose his prefered time out from the options that you have provided. Let him know right away that this meeting will be quick and not easy for you to do. If you have been going out, I am sure you have noted how he usually does things so apply those in this meeting.

Three, please look this “announcement” as his liberation so you will also be freed from any guilt or sadness that this “announcement” would possibly caused him. Tell him words from your heart but refined by your mind. Here is a suggestion used by a sister previously and it worked for the brother to remain positive in his search and even more passionate in serving God.

“We have been spending time together and I truly enjoyed that time. I deeply appreciate your efforts and prayers for me. Thank you. But after reflecting on what is in my heart and how I see our communication, I think we better stop spending our time exclusively. Please stop courting and I want you to search and find that special girl who truly is meant for you and you can only do that if you would stop communicating with me, at least for awhile. Let’s also stop our frequent and nightly calls.”

If he asks you a question, then, just answer truthfully and gently.

There will be awkward silence, but I’m telling you to bear the awkward silence rather than giving him extended false hopes.

I will pray for you and may you be found by the one who is the longing of your heart and answer to your prayers.

Love and Beauty,
B

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Thank you for reading.

Please share your tips and thoughts on rejecting a suitor!

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Dear Sis B,
Before we wed, we kept a happy and stable long distance relationship for years. We did not meet online but, after, I decided to work overseas our communication happened mostly through online.

During the first month of our marriage, I found tons of messages from one girl in his phone. All those messages were sent before our wedding. I remembered the latest was sent several months before our wedding. It was clear to me that something was going – on. I brought this discovery to his knowledge which later on resulted to a big fight. It was our first big fight and first time for me to be shoved.

I did my own “investigation” and resulted to series of fights almost every night with screaming and at times, him getting physical on me.

I feel so numb writing this email to you. I just want to unload for it is too heavy to carry alone.

Sis Happy-less
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Dear Sis Happy-less,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I just want to tell you that I prayed for you and your husband the moment I saw your email.

I am so thankful that you reached to me. I know that this will be an avenue towards to gaining of more courage on seeking help. I know that this is just a start of series of unloading.

Something in me is telling me that more than words, you just want someone to listen to you. And I know and sure that there are a lot of concerned and willing FEMALE true friends who know you and your husband personally who can listen to you in a more personal way.

The works of evil continue to lurk and can only damage in the dark, so, please CONTINUE to seek the light. Please continue to speak to reach out for help and guidance.

Help will come your way.

You are anonymous to me but you are not anonymous to any of your wedding God-parents. Please seek counsel from any of your closest God-parent.

If you are not safe, please seek a safe place. Now.

I will pray for you, more than anything else for your peace of mind and safety. For I know, any princess can bear hurtful words for long but not bruises neither slight “shove”.

Carry – on, Sis.
I am sure you prayed for a happy marriage, so, fight for it, please continue to reach out. Please continue to pray.

Love and Beauty,
B

Dear Sis B,
Shall I Date A Jobless Bachelor?

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Dear Sister,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

The fact that you are asking me this question tells me that you have second thoughts of seeing or spending time with this guy and financial means is something essential to you. I take your concern with high regard and deep respect. Since we believe that the husband and father is the main financial provider, they must have means to be source of income, ideally.

However, we now live in the age where wife and mothers of the family have full time works and share the financial obligation of the family with the husband or father.

As dating means preparation for the future family and the one you are dating takes the frame of a future spouse, may I now ask you, “What are your dreams and prayers for your future family?”

Should the Lord allow me to be married, I don’t wish to work for another employer and I wish to stay at home and build a source of income from home, an endeavour that would come only secondary to my household obligations. This means that I am counting and praying that in my future plans, the husband is the main provider. I think that is the reason why I have never dated a jobless guy. I never dated when I was still in school.

However, I don’t consider, too, that joblessness is the ultimate criteria for a bachelor NOT to be considered a “qualified” future spouse.

Here are few points you can consider:
1. Does he plan for his good future?

2. Does he act and persevere on his plans?

3. Do you agree on his plans?

Before you respond, please do carefully and prayerfully seek an answer. Ask him with exact words revealing to him your purpose. Please do not be scared to ask and ask with purity of heart. Based on married friends’ stories , this kind of questions encouraged a man with pure and noble intentions to be more intentional in building his finances and not scare him off away from getting himself committed. Again gentleness will send our purpose across.

Gentleness. Girl, It Looks Sassy On You

It is always something I tell to myself and female friends that at one point or two of courtship and even dating period that ladies should continue to be seeking answer and act like you an HR recruiter. After all, you are recruiting a lifetime legal partner.

I believe that when we pray for a spouse with courage (faith), confidence (hope) and God (love) then, we will be led to the right man who will love us, protect us and lead us to our Lord.

God bless.

Love and Beauty,
B

Thank you for reading.

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In my bible reading of the gospel according to Mark, I encountered this verse again. This time it spoke to me in a different way. It spoke to me about signs and our judgement, even in our romantic lives. I went back to a video of Nicole Kidman, one of my favourite actresses, when, she guested in The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon for the first time, sometime 3 years ago today.

I can’t help but picture it in my mind while Jimmy Fallon tells his version of the incident and Nicole does hers, too.

Here’s the link. You will certainly enjoy.

Jimmy Fallon Blew A Chance To Date Nicole Kidman

This is a story that creates different reactions from different type of singles.
For waiting singles, they will say “That’s a big near miss! Sayang”. For heartbroken singles, they will say “Men, they just do not see who are the one! Ugh”. For steady and ready-to-mingle singles, they will say “OK, let’s move on from here, next!”, without even asking themselves “Did I just had a T.O.T.G.A?

(T.O.T.G.A. = Teh, one that got away.) L.O.L.

This true story between Nicole and Jimmy never leaves my mind without me smiling… with relief.

When things are not falling into proper places and falling into places means falling at the right time, it only goes to show that the universe is helping to translate the situation that it is not meant for my good.

This thought was validated in this event with Jimmy and Nicole.

Here are my points:

First, I put the crucial point to Rick, the common friend. I must say that Rick did not deliver completely the task of a wing man. He did not tell Jimmy to order some nice foods and be at his best when him and Nicole arrive. He must have reasons for not doing so. That night might be not so romantic for him, that he did not see the the big picture of love happening between his well-known friends and doing great favours for them. He must have reasons.

Second, I agree of how Nicole assessed Jimmy’s wardrobe and look when they arrived at his apartment. If men are visual, all the more women are. The only difference is women can be  quiet about it and have the power to still consider giving a man a chance of being together who does not meet her physical standards but appeals to her higher needs like security or life’s purpose. But, at this time, Nicole felt that Jimmy’s wearing of cap is an absence of interest. To share a bit of my own story. The Lord knows how I assessed (a few) men in the past and even in  the present times, that men who meet me without even trying to look at his best, physically are not into me, simply, because they are not trying to impress me, not at all. Although, this is not the singular criteria of assessing whether a man is into a lady and vice-versa, a decent OOTD greatly matters for a first – time meeting between singles from opposite sex. That happened to Nicole for felling that way. She must have reasons.

Thirdly and most importantly, had Jimmy really liked Nicole and not just like having i-am-not-worthy-fan-admiration, he could have called Nicole and asked her number from Rick and call her with lines like “Oh, hi there. Thank you for your visit last night and I felt I missed to prepare you something great to eat, you know that kind of stuff. Err.. Would you like to have a dinner with me, sometime?” That’s not even 50 words including the shy-expressions! Why didn’t he call? He must have reasons.

OK, that first meeting might be tragic for Jimmy to prepare and be at his best. But, c’mon, man, ladies like Nicole can very well understand the situation that they’ve just walk-by without a prior notice so they can give this man a chance. Afterall, she liked him! But, Jimmy did not call and ask the universe to give him a chance to impress Nicole. Jimmy must have reasons for not doing so.

Or… the universe knew and whispered to Nicole as earlier at that time that few years down the road someone else is meant for her, who the universe will help to translate that he is the one for her and in the same way to Jimmy, too.

God is merciful. God sends signs so we will be aligned with him.

So, me and fellow waiting people whether single or married, waiting for a dream to transpire, be still and have faith.

When things are not falling into proper places, it is not yet time. When it is not yet time, be still and wait with anticipation for that time of favours to come.

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Thank you for reading.
May God be praised.

Love and beauty,
B.

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Dear Sis,

What are your skin care routines?

Thanks,

Sister

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Today, I would like to share my passion of taking care of my skin and my joy each time I find a great beauty product. What I mean by a great beauty product is that it delivers its claims at a reasonable price.

(I have second thoughts of replying to this question for the fear that it will promote materialism. However, after thinking that there are a lot of beauty products within a very reasonable price and these companies create jobs, thus, I got convinced, otherwise.)

Instead of Buying Make-Up, I Invested On My Skin As Early As My Late Teen Years

I started taking care of my skin intentionally when I left the university and started earning my own. I didn’t have make – up products and only had baby powder but it has always been in my mind that a flawless skin is the base of nicely applied make-up, so, I decided to invest time and money for my facial skin, particularly.

  1. Toner/Cleansing Toner

I never went to bed without washing my face. (Maybe for few times that I missed to do it were because I was so tired and maybe even slept with my working clothes on.) After washing, I cleaned once again my face with cotton wetted of facial toner. But, Sister, be careful with toner as most of toners contain alcohol. Alcohol can make your skin dry and dry skin will make you look older aside from the fact it is prone to premature aging (fine wrinkles). So, observe the type of your skin. It has been my practice to use toners with alcohol content only when I have a pimple. Once, it get dried, I use the less “strong” toner. My usual toner is L’Oreal Whitening toner, but, these days, I’m using Ponds Toner.

It has always been my habit to check on the content of beauty products that I buy. (OK, Sister, I must admit that I can understand few of the content, having once worked for a consumer goods-manufacturing company as an Research and Development Chemist, but those contents are readily searchable in Google) Please do spend time to research.

  1. Moisturizer Is A Must At Night

I will never get caught sleeping without a moisturizer on. I applied Body Shop Vitamin E stick around my eyes and L’Oreal Revitalift during the night.

I started with my humble savings on AVON products. When I started earning, it is this time that I started buying L’Oreal moisturizer and Vitamin C serum from Body Shop. Applying moisturizer at night is like taking care of your skin without much ado. Just imagine all the vitamins and AHA being absorbed by your skin in straight 7-8 hours without intervention of pollution or sunrays in a regular basis. This is also the reason why most of the vitamin -rich beauty products are formulated for night application. Night time is for the time for the skin to regenerate. Sometimes, I don’t wash my face with soap in the morning and be contended with water only.

I just love how I see my skin in the morning and that encouraged me to continue on with the practice since then until now.

  1. Whitening Soap

There was a time that I use whitening soaps in a regular basis but I observed that it caused my skin to get dried. I know that most of this kind of products are for exfoliation, but, I was not happy seeing my skin get dried and peeling – off. Although, for right products selected for right type of skin and used properly under the recommended weather, the result after peeling – off is just wonderful!

Sister, as most of the whitening soaps contain acidic compounds, if you are using whitening soaps when you are bathing, please wash-off the soap from your skin after 2 minutes. Do not let it retain on your skin more than 2 minutes in an everyday practice.

  1. Moisturizer Cream In The Morning

Nowadays, I’m using L’Oreal Revitalift (the product come in two formulations) in the morning as it contains sunscreen. Using sunscreen can save you from color pigmentation, specially, if you are using products that cause whitening or exfoliation of your skin. Skin pigmentation can add years to your skin.

For the last 10 years, my main skincare products varied from Body Shop Vitamin C Serum, SK-II, CLINIQUE 1,2 and 3 and USANA Celevive. I recommend use of those products, too.

  1. Make – Up Remover

It’s only lately when I started applying full make – up and not even in a regular basis, that I started to have the need to get rid of make -up using a make -up remover before I wash my face with soap.

There are make -up products most specially the foundation that can’t be removed by water and soap.

Etude House has an oil-based facial cleanser that can get rid of make-up. I once used this product and was happy that it can be my make up remover and cleanser in one go. But, I did not use it a daily basis, only when I have make up on because I have an oily skin and using it often made my skin even oilier.

You see sister, after years of taking care of my skin, there is no single person in my previous and current office that can guess my age exactly. Their guesses were 12-15 years younger than my actual age. (Although, I’m also aware that they were being nice, too with their guesses.) Since then I let them guess and never confirmed my age.

It is true that when you love yourself, she will love you back.

May God give you joy while you take care of His gift to you, your skin, the largest part of your body, the body which is the temple of His Holy Spirit.

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Thank you and God bless.

A sister asked me about discernment. I thought instead of writing a “Dear Sis B” to her about discernment, I will post another journal entry.

I wrote this entry when all doors that I attempted to open seem to closing on me.

After writing this, there was a clear direction to be still and regard that season to be where the Lord wants me to be in.

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Dear Father GOD,

Father God, my heart is restless. But, I wish to follow what WSQ had told me about career path. Lord, please light the path that I should be going.

I attended the Mass yesterday. I heard the priest said,

“Love God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and do as you please.” This is by St Augustine.

I need to bring this heart to You first and I can do anything as what my heart pleases.
Lord, I pray that I will just have a happy and fulfilling time with family next week. Please help us to bond together with unity and love.
I pray, Lord for my siblings and their children. I pray for my dream of writing to be fulfilled.
I’m praying for my future spouse. I just like to recognize the kind of heart you have gifted me with, a heart that just don’t know to stop to hope. Is this for real, Lord? Lol. I’m just kidding.

Father God, I know You know better than I do. Please speak to my heart if I’m going the wrong way.
Please build me an empire. I don’t know exactly what that means but please help me create jobs so more families can bring food to the table and they can be evangelized.
I would like to name the gifts you have given me at this time:
1. My work
2. My health
3. My free time/ my rest days
4. My family and family time
5. My friends
You are good, Lord, thank you.

Love and Trusting,
Benia

-End of entry

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Thank you for reading. God bless.

Love and Beauty,

B.