It is the first of 14 years that she is not anticipated to show – up. Although, that she did not join us in a yearly basis, at least we get to receive her message and we talked about her and receive her life’s updates around the table of dinner during family’s special occasions. On this event of my mother’s birthday and my parents’ wedding anniversary, it is the first time that it finally sunk deep to our hearts.

She is not a sister by blood but their 14 years of togetherness with my biological younger brother that started during their early part of university days made me feel, act and think like she is my sister. I and my family, have only been waiting for her to legally acquire my last name. I can go to a long list of how the entire family treated, anticipated and worked on for that day where she would be my sister-in-law and mother of future beautiful nieces and nephews. Until that she was not around during the Christmas season and my brother kept quiet of our inquiries…. Our concerned questioning.

Having my two other elder siblings married their first boyfriend and girlfriend, I am not used to parting ways of someone who has been attached to a family member.

I didn’t know that it is this… painful, too.

When the news broke then, I left her message telling her that she still has a sister in me and that I still am here to support her dreams.

Then, I felt the need to question my intention of reaching-out to her to check whether this intention is purely for her benefits or this is intention is tainted for me and my family only, and not even for my brother.

During this dinner of my parents’ wedding anniversary, my father asked about her to my brother. There was silence and someone said “Let’s move – on from her.. together, as a family.” There was even longer silence.

We definitely miss her and maybe it would take a while to stop looking for her and presence, but for now, I and my family need to step back. I need to stop trying to.. win her back to be future my sister-in law. I.. or…. we need to stop longing for her presence as our future in-law.

We need to let go of the label.. the label as future in law.

For now, we have to learn to value and cherish her as a person, as someone who has been part of our lives. She is someone who had done great things to someone we truly love, my younger brother. She was there during the family’s darkest time and her presence and support were truly felt by everyone.

And that alone is a reason to love her.. forever..without the label of future-in-law.

Knowing that reason made me think that she has been a family member ever since we started loving her, in spirit and in truth. She has been my sister all though-out that 14 years. That loving her does not necessarily mean that she becomes is a sister -in-law. If love is setting free then it means we are setting her free and we have to let the label of future – in law go. We would love to respect their decision where she would be happier, find true and lasting love even though it means she will be physically parting ways with us. Without asking for explanations.

For now, my family will move on, together from the label but never losing not the good memories we and our families have shared together.. once upon a time.
——–
Thank you, Lord, for people who once became closer to our family. God bless their hearts..physically far from us.. Amen.

Advertisements

Yesterday, the gospel was about The Beatitudes spoken by Jesus Himself. The Beatitudes has gripped my heart in many ways and in many years that caused me to stop, capture my heart and caused me to change, simply because to me, it means sacrifices and dying to oneself.

As I encountered The Beautitudes yesterday, again, I asked the Holy Spirit to place it in my single, searching and (hopefully soon) dating life. This morning, while cooking for lunch of my niece, the beautiful word went to heart as the aroma of my simple dish comes to life. Here are my reflections out from my own experiences and learnings:

1. A trusting heart is a patient heart.
So, develop faith to learn to trust and trust results to patience. And patience is a fertile soil for a loving relationship.
2. Gentle words come from a gentle spirit and a gentle spirit does not control but leads.
I am smiling while a write this, while I remember all men who are gentle and lead. Gentleness leads but wickedness confuses.
3. A non-assuming heart is a humble heart. When sisters don’t give – in to the lure to create presumptions, they are looking more to the idea that they are respected and is not adored. Unless, words have been spoken amd actions confirmed the words, that something lasting and concrete is going on.
4. Blessed are those with a pure heart, they are not manipulated and driven with emotions only but of wisdom and commitment.
5. Blessed are those with a pure heart, they are not jealous and bitter.
(Jealous and bitter, then pray for a pure heart.)
6. Blessed are the merciful for they will find more admirers.
7. Blessed are those who work for peace, they will find themselves someone worth fighting for.
8. Blessed are those who seek and hunger for justice, they are the dating people who have purpose for marriage and family life.
9. Blessed are those who remain pure in body and spirit until they have said their vows in marriage for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Let’s fight for that first night, sisters. Let’s remain pure through prayers and service. The Lord who is the first man in the aisle deserves our purity. )
10. Blessed are those who seek marriage according to God’s plan for theirs is a happy, lasting and fruitful life of marriage.

I pray that you also apply The Beautitudes into your dating life and let us learn from the single Jesus.

Love and Beauty,

B.



Of two years ago, I did a part – time work at SMRT. The task was to count the passengers queueing but are not able to board the train.

Counting begins once the MRT door opens. The idea was all who are waiting should be able to board the train, thus, that makes a “zero waiting time”. If the indicator, a passenger waiting at the platform, is unable to board in two consecutive arrivals of trains, an empty train should be sent to the platform! (Yes that’s how ideal  they want the system to go! ) 

The MRT door will be opened for boarding for only 120 seconds.

And during that 120 seconds, this is when actions happened. All passengers would try to catch the ride and not to miss that chance to get boarded. Some literally threw their bodies inside to catch the train while, others, would create movements to let the automated door sense movements thereby delaying closure of the door. 

What really striking was that people naturally didn’t want to miss the chance to get boarded.

Same is true even in real life. We don’t want to miss chance but in reality we missed our chances. A chance to tell someone you love him until you find him at funeral parlor cold with his eyes closed. A chance to ask forgiveness to someone whom you have hurt but have finally lost her trust. A chance to be just in time to catch the perfect sunset. A chance to be a great sister to a sick brother. A chance to love. An ocean of misses.

And that’s how the closure of MRT door speaks to me, every single time I count passengers.

The reality of closed doors. The reality that not everyone will make it right the first time.

But if we look at the big picture, the story of getting boarded does not end there! When a passenger missed that chance to board the train at the platform, there is a new train that is planned to arrive in the next four minutes during peak hours of the day and two minutes in between during lunch hours. That passenger who missed the train only has to wait to catch the ride and reach his intended destiny.

In real life, there is a thing that is called as second chances.

The Lord reminds us that He has second chances in store for us by sending His forgiveness to our iniquities and richly giving us a new clean slate. Do we deserve it? I believe we don’t but He loves us beyond our wildest reasoning that He does not want to lose eternity, so, He richly, ever readily willing to forgive us and render us a great new train of chances.

In Him there is an ocean of compassion. In His compassion, there are second chances, chances to change our ways, chances to recover, chances to gain, chances to forgive, chances to move – on and make a fresh start.

Thank you for reading.

I have been serving single people who love and honor the Lord for almost two decades now while, I, myself is a síngle person. I have heard and some witnessed stories of female single friends of how they fell in love and heard and witnessed, too, a lot of single people experienced the biggest heartbreak of their lives.

One night, I reflected what it takes to be the right person for another right person. This article is a result of that reflection
____________

Following a love letter

Dear Mr Right, Would you be my number 2?

Here’s the prequel to that.

——–

What it Takes to be Mr Right (A Love Letter)

Dear Son,

How have you been?

Heavens just stopped and dropped their singing these days whenever your heart smiles at my own daughter whether in person or at the screen everytime you message her.

I have planned of your existence long before the foundation of the world but your moves and decisions surprise me these days.

I smile with you whenever she smiles back at you. Heavens rejoice with you.

You sure are responding to the growing seed that I have planted in your heart, a seed that speaks of me, a seed that glorifies me, a seed that gives purpose to your living. And that brings me honor.

The seed of desiring to find a wife comes from me. A wife who is not appropriate for me, but aptly for you. Someone suitable for you, so, someone I fashioned for you. Since, I created and love you, I know very well what you need, what you like, what complements you and above all, what will make you closer to me and not what will take you away from me.

As you search for her out from a growing desire to find someone to love for a lifetime, to make babies with and be a helpmate to your future family, I want to draw you more to me. The more that you build your relationship with me, the more that seed grows. Remember that seed comes from me and only me can grow that seed, so, come to me, my Son, my future Kingdom builder, my beloved.

Let me water the soil of your being, so it will be fertile. Once fertile, the seed will grow into sprout. Let me clear the clouds of fear in your head. I am the way, the truth and the life, so, with me you can clear all confusion. Let me reveal to you the great manhood that I have created you to live – out. You can do great things far more than what you thought of yourself. You have my image and likeness and, thus, you carry the power and splendor of my Name. I created that manhood and thus, you have immense strength to build, destroy and endure. Let me remind you my son, once again, that you are called to be holy for I am holy. In your holiness, in your stronger relationship with me and in your deep love for me, then, you shall gain direction and will not be dismayed when you find the person I have created, molded and will respond to your search.

My Son, I am here with you in the pursuit I have designed for your life. If you invite me to join you in your pursuit and obey to be the person who you really are in my eyes then you will be Mr Right for someone that caught your eye, someone like a prey to your hunt, someone I have fashioned, molded and loved, someone who is herself loves and honors me, too.

You have what it takes to be Mr Right and soon, be a leader of church called a family.

Your fan,
Father God

________________

Having heard a feedback about this blogsite last year, I was determined to write a piece of writing worth – sharing, worthy for everyone to expose their names that they are reading, worthy of hitting the star – button, worthy of praising- comments. But, having that in mind, I found myself always hitting the “backspace” key. Instead of writing, I found myself unwriting. Thinking and paralysed, I opened all my previous journals in the hope of getting the inspiration and break the sorcery I have spelled unto myself. But none of my misery-filled journal entries suffice my objective. I felt so drained. My browsing through all my handwritten entries was a futile attempt to get what I wanted, I thought.

Inspecting all my entries from 2009 to 2016, only alerted me of one common line that I kept writing through those years, “May I be able to please You, Lord.” or “Please help me to please You.”

That journaling is the reason why I have this blogsite and those journal entries have repeatedly declared that my heart desires to please the Lord. This reveals to whom, to how and to why I am writing and responding to this frequent waking up at every 2am… To write to please the Lord for He is my supreme audience.

For to please Him is to be inspired, to be ordinary and great and to impress all other eyes is to be filled with discontentment, to be proud and unheard.

_____________

Dear Lord, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You, my God and my Judge. Amen.

_____________
Who are you trying to impress today? Please like and comment should you find this story relatable. Thank you!

God bless!

Sometimes, the most enlightening words that can dispel the darkness gripping the course of our life will not come from mouth of well-known speakers neither from written words from self – help books’ authors or generally from other’s prodding, but will come from our own words, from the counsel of our own heart.

Last Christmas, my single heart was feeling the romance of Christmas. I might have watched too much of Hallmark movies on previous months that it caused me to feel empty in the season of reunions, weddings and gift-giving. The feeling of aloneness was even made worse with the situation that I will work on Christmas day and New Year’s eve, literally alone. I fought hard not to be given a task on the Christmas day but all my reasons were left unheard for according to our yearly work schedule, it is everyone from the team’s turn to go on holiday except me. This even before Christmas made me unhappy.

So, on early Christmas morning, I packed a portion from the food left of the Christmas eve dinner with my friends, then headed to work. As an overseas worker, I do not live with my family but I stay with friends. After 12 hours of duty, I was ready to head home. But, when I reached home, there was total darkness. I only then remembered that my friends and their children went to a short holiday getaway and left the country while I was in the office. So, I am left alone in the silent and dark house on a Christmas night.

Trust me that I have been single since forever and I know how to deal with loneliness of aloneness but not on this Christmas day.

I know the drill every single time I feel the loneliness of aloneness and singleness. I have to remember the many gifts of single life that I have. The gift of freedom, the gift of freedom and the gift of freedom. Eerrr… what are the other gifts of Single life, again, Benia?

I must be drowning with loneliness that I forgot the other gifts of single life.
I went to open the Christmas lights and cuddled my lonesome self at the couch.

I have enough of all the single life drama from my own stories and other friends, that I don’t want to make my first Christmas night alone to be a night of drama.

I put on make-up and fix my hair and prepared the table like that day was a Christmas day. I said the grace before meal and talked to the Lord to be with me and send me His angels.

As I ate, I told myself to call my family again after my dinner. I remembered all the gifts that I have received and I didn’t open yet as I waited for this Christmas night. While I ate, I dared to ask myself, “Why am I alone on this Christmas night?”

I am alone because I am overseas because of work. I am alone because I don’t have a family yet… As I chew my food inside my mouth, I chew every reason why I’m still single. An array of past situations and decisions that I made got played inside my head, of missed chances and unopenness attitude. There at that table, alone, I realized I’ve been living so comfortably and didn’t make big decisions that somehow told me I lack courage specially in the area of dating. I made myself to stay in the safe zone and did not make myself open to possibilities. I have not executed my plans to find ways of meeting new people and even listened to my doubts that I rejected past invitations.

I reassured my heart:

“I am not making things hard for myself while I tried to answer that question, “Why am I alone on this Christmas?” I am making things happen, heart. Because we don’t want to be like this every single Christmas to come. This set up will be just temporary.”

It was like a root-cause analysis and implementing corrective – preventive actions, my actual job skill, that I am doing on my actual life.

I counselled my heart not to be lonely with this literal emptiness but to be grateful because there is a chance to change the course of the direction of my life. That this night is a night where the Lord is showing what is important to me and that is relationship, of good relationships. Good relationships that define the meaning and joy in my life, that my decision should be based first and foremost by the question of who and not secondary by why.

I countinued to counsel my heart while I cleared the table and washed the dishes, to revive all the true friendships I have lost along the way and keep those that profoundly matter and drop all those who are exactly opposite, the users and the energy – drainers and the self – righteous. I also counselled my heart to identify what type of events to drop out of my life.

By the end of my dinner and done with packing of another food portion that I will bring for the next day’s work, I felt the revival of my heart. I felt so happy. In this solitude, I counselled my heart and I felt joy.

Before going to sleep, I opened all presents I received from friends and sent a thank-you- message to each one. Then, I called my parents and sister for another greeting for I already talked to them during the Christmas eve. I said a prayer of gratitude and I switched – on my lamp stand happy and at peace.

Dear Single Me, thank you for allowing your heart to understand your mistakes. Thank you, heart, for your courage and hope.

__________

Maybe as the new year starts, why not take a good amount of quality time of understanding, listening and speaking of your heart to your heart?

__________

Please like and share, if only you would. Thank you!!

Please leave a comment of how your last Christmas Eve or Day went. I would love to hear it.

Love and Beauty,

B