What it means to guard your heart with all your heart (Yes, your very heart)

I myself often tell this to my female single friends to guard the heart. I say this to them and even to myself as if it is a regular expression like “hello”, “hi or “welcome”, until I spoke to a young lady who I met three months ago.

She asked me of the meaning of guarding the heart after I told her that line.

I stopped and realised that it really is a big thought to say specially, if it is meant as an advice or a loving prodding. While I searched in my heart the meaning of “guarding the heart”, it came to mind that it may be the probable reason on why people, myself included, find it hard to guard the heart is because, the meaning and intention of guarding the heart is incomprehensible, on why it is needful. Thus, do-able steps on how to guard the heart seem hard to do because the noble reason on doing so is something has not been pondered upon and has not been understood, With this, it resulted to failure to guard the heart.

The intention of guarding the heart is not to supress the feelings or treat your feelings to be invalid. It is not also the intention of guarding the heart to harden your heart from loving and enjoying the pleasure. Neither, guarding the heart promotes foolishness by considering what you are feeling to be not childish and is shallow.

But guarding is protecting your heart ultimately from lies.

If truth sets you free, then, lies hold you as captives. When we are captives, there is bondage…there is misery …..there is hurt.

Here are do-able and comprehensible steps of how to guard the heart:

  1. Guarding your heart is knowing your heart

It means knowing what you want, your purpose of wanting or doing what you are doing or wanting. It means knowing your limitations, your weakness, your strength.

Classic example: I would like to be married. So, knowing that in my heart tells me that I would only date people who can get married.

Classic example 2: You keep on asking a person out. You keep on calling the same person. There might be a good reason. Identify that reason and assess.

  1. Keep your eyes opened.

This is best achieved by eliminating day dreaming.

Classic example: In your dreams you and “your friend” who had just asked you out are already married, when you just dated once. Lol

  1. Hear in audible voice the words of God

Most of the time, when a girl/lady/person is filled with self- emotions, even when we pray, we will not be able to hear the word of the Lord or even determine in our hearts the will of the Lord. So, don’t just pray about it. Share your feelings/your thoughts to a trusted friend or family member who knows you and cares for you. They will most likely present to you the truth if the cloud of romance and the idea of being love has already clouded your right judgement.

  1. Ask the person

(This is my most dreaded recommended step.)

To be continued tomorrow.

Love and beauty,

B

Moving on as a family (from an almost family member.)

It is the first of 14 years that she is not anticipated to show – up. Although, that she did not join us in a yearly basis, at least we get to receive her message and we talked about her and receive her life’s updates around the table of dinner during family’s special occasions. On this event of my mother’s birthday and my parents’ wedding anniversary, it is the first time that it finally sunk deep to our hearts.

She is not a sister by blood but their 14 years of togetherness with my biological younger brother that started during their early part of university days made me feel, act and think like she is my sister. I and my family, have only been waiting for her to legally acquire my last name. I can go to a long list of how the entire family treated, anticipated and worked on for that day where she would be my sister-in-law and mother of future beautiful nieces and nephews. Until that she was not around during the Christmas season and my brother kept quiet of our inquiries…. Our concerned questioning.

Having my two other elder siblings married their first boyfriend and girlfriend, I am not used to parting ways of someone who has been attached to a family member.

I didn’t know that it is this… painful, too.

When the news broke then, I left her message telling her that she still has a sister in me and that I still am here to support her dreams.

Then, I felt the need to question my intention of reaching-out to her to check whether this intention is purely for her benefits or this is intention is tainted for me and my family only, and not even for my brother.

During this dinner of my parents’ wedding anniversary, my father asked about her to my brother. There was silence and someone said “Let’s move – on from her.. together, as a family.” There was even longer silence.

We definitely miss her and maybe it would take a while to stop looking for her and presence, but for now, I and my family need to step back. I need to stop trying to.. win her back to be future my sister-in law. I.. or…. we need to stop longing for her presence as our future in-law.

We need to let go of the label.. the label as future in law.

For now, we have to learn to value and cherish her as a person, as someone who has been part of our lives. She is someone who had done great things to someone we truly love, my younger brother. She was there during the family’s darkest time and her presence and support were truly felt by everyone.

And that alone is a reason to love her.. forever..without the label of future-in-law.

Knowing that reason made me think that she has been a family member ever since we started loving her, in spirit and in truth. She has been my sister all though-out that 14 years. That loving her does not necessarily mean that she becomes is a sister -in-law. If love is setting free then it means we are setting her free and we have to let the label of future – in law go. We would love to respect their decision where she would be happier, find true and lasting love even though it means she will be physically parting ways with us. Without asking for explanations.

For now, my family will move on, together from the label but never losing not the good memories we and our families have shared together.. once upon a time.
——–
Thank you, Lord, for people who once became closer to our family. God bless their hearts..physically far from us.. Amen.

Translating Beatitudes Into Praying and Dating Life (Learning from Single Jesus)

Yesterday, the gospel was about The Beatitudes spoken by Jesus Himself. The Beatitudes has gripped my heart in many ways and in many years that caused me to stop, capture my heart and caused me to change, simply because to me, it means sacrifices and dying to oneself.

As I encountered The Beautitudes yesterday, again, I asked the Holy Spirit to place it in my single, searching and (hopefully soon) dating life. This morning, while cooking for lunch of my niece, the beautiful word went to heart as the aroma of my simple dish comes to life. Here are my reflections out from my own experiences and learnings:

1. A trusting heart is a patient heart.
So, develop faith to learn to trust and trust results to patience. And patience is a fertile soil for a loving relationship.
2. Gentle words come from a gentle spirit and a gentle spirit does not control but leads.
I am smiling while a write this, while I remember all men who are gentle and lead. Gentleness leads but wickedness confuses.
3. A non-assuming heart is a humble heart. When sisters don’t give – in to the lure to create presumptions, they are looking more to the idea that they are respected and is not adored. Unless, words have been spoken amd actions confirmed the words, that something lasting and concrete is going on.
4. Blessed are those with a pure heart, they are not manipulated and driven with emotions only but of wisdom and commitment.
5. Blessed are those with a pure heart, they are not jealous and bitter.
(Jealous and bitter, then pray for a pure heart.)
6. Blessed are the merciful for they will find more admirers.
7. Blessed are those who work for peace, they will find themselves someone worth fighting for.
8. Blessed are those who seek and hunger for justice, they are the dating people who have purpose for marriage and family life.
9. Blessed are those who remain pure in body and spirit until they have said their vows in marriage for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Let’s fight for that first night, sisters. Let’s remain pure through prayers and service. The Lord who is the first man in the aisle deserves our purity. )
10. Blessed are those who seek marriage according to God’s plan for theirs is a happy, lasting and fruitful life of marriage.

I pray that you also apply The Beautitudes into your dating life and let us learn from the single Jesus.

Love and Beauty,

B.

God Protected Me (Dating Learnings to become Mrs Always Right One Day)

TEN YEARS LATER..

19 Sep 2017

Dear Journal,

In the quietness of working alone tonight, I finished the book of Steve Harvey. I remembered men that I dated. Gosh, enough of misses. Here are my learnings. Thanks, Steve Harvey!

1. Act like a man. Speak like a lady. Extra care for their ego. (I wonder how to tell them “You are wrong”?)

2. Get some standards. They respect it. (I have a long list which one to drop, then?) [Scribbles.]
(A man who can marry in the church who loves and honors the Lord and loves and honors me completely. He must love me first.)

3. Let them know what you don’t want. (I will lessen this, Lord, as I have promised You. Be open that no one is perfect and that includes me,)

4. “We need to talk” scares them (So, rephrased with “Can we just talk? Meaning I will do the talking and you will do the listening)

[Laughing faces. Scribbles.]

5. Your time is your reward to them.
6. REWARD THEM IF THEY ARE WORTHY.

7. Ask them what they think about family, children when being asked to have a date.

8. Go back to number one.

______

After going through those points, I really think that the Lord has really saved me from damaging relationships by those “misses”. Thank you Lord for man 1, 2 and 3 and thank you for Your protection.

Outrageous Lessons to My Heart (Dating and Learning to Become Mrs Always Right)

(Enclosed words are mine)

19 Sep 2017

Dear Journal,

In the quietness of working alone tonight, I finished the book of Steve Harvey. I remembered significant men that I dated. Gosh. Here are my learnings. Thanks, Steve Harvey!

1. Act like a man. Speak like a lady. Extra care for their ego. (Ok. Fine.)

2. Get some standards. They respect it. (I have a long list which one to drop, then?) [Scribbles.]
(A man who can marry in the Catholic church who loves and honors the Lord and loves and honors me completely. He must love me first.)

[Scribbles and tons of smileys.]

3. Let them know what you don’t want. (I will lessen this as I have promised the Lord. Be open that no one is perfect and that includes me, )

[Scribbles and tons of smileys.]

4. “We need to talk” scares them

(So, I will rephrase with “Can we just talk? Meaning I will do the talking and you will do the listening)

[Series of smileys]
5. Your time is your reward to them.

6. REWARD THEM IF THEY ARE WORTHY.

7. Ask them what they think about family, children when being asked to have a date.

8. Go back to number one.

After going through those points, it came to mind that those misses were a saving grace from damaging relationships.

_____

Thank you Lord for men 1, 2 and 3 and thank you for Your protection. I truly am grateful.

[Signed by me]

____

Thank you for your kind reading and learning with me.

Catch my next blog. Would you?