Chronicles of Benia

STORIES.REFLECTIONS.PRAYERS

Today’s first reading (Ephesians 5:21-23) reminded me on one of the roles of a wife, that is to submit to her husband.
While I can only guess for the role of a wife, because of this God’s design, a woman who desires to be married and raise a family should learn the holy role of submission to the headship of a man.

However, while some women are still learning, please bear with her, Bro.

There are some women who openly expressed their thoughts not to disrespect neither to challenge, nor to show who is mightier and wiser, but, it is has been only in their ways for so long to express and take part in whatever course of action that will be taken.

Although, I don’t know exactly when they are going to perfect the role of submission, but I am sure the wife has to make it happen and she can make it happen.

And while she makes it happen, please bear with her, Bro.

Ridicule and wrong assumption that she is hard to bear is the least and last thing that a work-in-progress sister (woman/wife) wants to hear. With all her pure intentions to be helpmate and for the greater good of the church or the community in her mind are the reasons why she is expressing and is braving the risk to be tagged as a “difficult woman”.

It is so painful to be told that you are difficult woman when the only thing in your mind is to be a helpmate.

I believe it will not come naturally for a woman who has been shaped in all her life to express and decide for herself to place herself under someone’s headship. I believe a greater power is needed. A greater power from the Lord and from the man that she is submitting herself to that will make her able to submit well.

And while she learns, please bear with her, Bro.

Thank you for reading.

God bless.
——

Dear Father God,

We surrender our desire to You.
Please bless all the women You have created after Your wisdom and ways. Please touch their hearts to be helpmates. Please send to them men to their lives who will help them to fulfill this holy role as a submitting wives / sisters / women.

Amen.

______

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30/10/2018

 

As someone who has been praying for a lifetime partner, I have experienced occasions of scam in the past and knowing friends who experienced the same.

Sadly, but, in the real world there are people who take advantage insincerely and ruthlessly evil of that holy desire of finding a spouse and raising a family. Most of the time, since they are left unidentified, they continue to hurt the lives of single and looking people not only emotionally but more often, financially.

I personally see scammers as cruel people. Since they don’t personally see the effects of what they have done to their victims, they can ignore outrightly the small voice of conscience in their spirits.

Quite scary for pure intention of loving and be loved by someone who loves you and loves you in return. But, like any other quests in our lives, there are dangers hiding along the way to victory.

The objective of this blog is not to add more “cheese” to that search but open our eyes and minds to the reality of the world where the future spouse also lives.

Here are few signs of this kind of scam:

1. He falls in love with you head over heels in no time.

I came to get in contact with a scammer through a Catholic dating site. He was quick in writing love letters that can sweep off my feet every night and can even quote of bible verses in professing his (scam) love for me.

2. His questioning or kind of getting to know you-ways are more of into interrogation of your financial capabilities.
Few of those questions are towards to:
A. Job position
B. Your travels
C. Your closeness with your family and friends

That person who was a scam kept on telling me that I don’t share with friends about my communication with him for his reason was that girl friends may get “jealous” of what we have. However, at that time, I was already actively serving and part of the Catholic Church community for singles and I trusted my prayer group leader so well that I shared with her even the first time that this person called me. So, by the time that this person was asking me for money, my prayer group leader had her suspicions confirmed.

3. I have experienced scam in two occasions and for both occasions, the perpetrators always fall into sickness.

Any lady who is blinded by his “unproven” love will be overpowered by her emotion to help financially even unreasonably.

4. Their love is conditional.

I have a friend who did not know that her helper was communicating with someone from the internet and she only got to know it when the helper frantically cried. The helper was told by her “lover” that he will send their engagement ring after the helper sends the money for the finishing touches of the house he was building for them and was provided with a link where the helper can track where the engagement ring is.

What was horrifying that the minute the helper completed the online and quick remittance, the link was gone.

5. His/ her details are not specific.

I told a friend who then has already started engaging online with a man who sent her a message through the Catholic dating site where my friend joined, to ask this man to provide her the company name and the reception number where this man works and that my friend will call that reception number to reach him. My friend was able to reach him which gave her a confidence to carry on the online conversation.

Though, my examples are experiences gained in the online dating world, these guides can also be applied in the face-to-face meet ups or dating.

As proven best practice, although, we may be dependent and mature by our own assessment, as searching singles, it is still best to include our parents or family members and a trusted friend in every step that we do in finding the lifetime partner.

As waiting and looking individuals, let us be like as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves. For surely, whoever has the pure intention with seeking heart for the right guidance, the Lord will lead.
——-
Prayers
It is in my prayers to whoever is reading this and is sincerely praying for a spouse that he/she finds him/ today without going through the harm caused by scams. Amen.

——-
For women who have additional tips which can help women in their online search, please comment below.

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30/10/2018

(Leading Prayer Group Meetings)

It was at that time when I said “Yes” to be a group prayer head in a Catholic charismatic community for singles. This Catholic charismatic community has small units of prayer group. This prayer group is called “Household” which is normally consists of 4-5 single ladies, so, that makes me a Household head.
Being friends mainly with girls is something very familiar for me, as growing up and during teen years, I was part of all girls big group of friends. During my first years as a young professional, I still was part of all ladies group in the company where I worked. We regularly went to night – outs wearing our Tok-Toks (our own secret code for high – heeled shoes because of the sound that it makes when we walk with it on). Basically, what I am saying here, I know generally how girls operate, unite, celebrate, love and fight together ever since I was young. Girl power, how ancient the concept may it sound, has always been in me… until I joined the Catholic community for singles .

As I write this, I can’t help but be filled once again with gratitude. This is the posture of my heart each time I get to remember my first few days as an S-F-C, of becoming, that is, Someone for Christ.

Heading the Household prayer group for sisters is also like leading a girl power group in fun and activities except that with this task, I am leading them to Christ and not to the “domination” (lol) of the world. Leading them to Christ means making myself available for them without any cost. Unlike the girl power friendship, this task required me sacrifices. So, I later replaced the term “task” to “service” and me not a “leader” but a “mother”, as I always associate sacrifices to motherhood.

During my first year as a Household head, I was faced with struggles to prepare the discussion topics, my parents’ house and foods.

The difficulty on preparing the discussion topic was not so much because my default topic was the scripture reading for the day, compared to preparing and clearing the food to be served. The latter task was more daunting for me. Food preparation required me time and other resources.

Burdened I may seemed with the differences of building friendship with new sisters (new members) in the community, however, just like in my all-girls friendship, I find joy and love whenever I am with them during household prayer meetings.

All my efforts are somewhat reciprocated specially whenever there was a well-attended household prayer meeting. But I enjoyed, too, even only a member shows up. It is a chance for a heart – to – heart talk.

So, after each and every prayer meeting when all the members are gone and I am left alone washing used glasses, plates, spoons and forks, clearing the table and floors. There in that last task that I find silence without the rush, but, a happy silence with the Lord. It is in this moment that my mind starts to process what just transpired in the prayer meeting. It is in this moment that I realize the Lord is making everything possible. It is in this moment that I say, “Thank You, Lord. Mission accomplished.” It is in this act of washing the dishes, clearing the table and rubbish bin that I find most fulfilling of becoming a head.

Matthew 20:16
So the last will be first, and the first will be last.


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25/10/2018

There Is Life After Heartbreaks (Don’t Just Move-On, Rise From It, Sistha)

13/10/2018


Ms Anonymous letter is my first letter from someone who is really anonymous to me. LOL. Yes, I know every single one in all my previous “Dear Sis B”.

Dear Sis B, Why God seems to be unfair? What’s wrong with me?

Ms Anonymous is like many of us, ladies, experiencing heartbreak upon heartbreaks. But I am not only referring to heartbreaks from romantic relationships only but also heartbreak from work, heartbreak from church ministries, heartbreak from family and friends.

Were we not told that only people we love can hurt us? So, the moment we decide to love, we also open our hearts to heartbreak. We love our work, our church ministries, our family and friends and so they can also bring heartbreak to us. Ms Anonymous even opened herself to heartbreak with God’s seemingly unfairness to her.

I’ve my taste of series of heartbreaks (maybe, one of these days, I will share stories of all of it). At that time when I could hardly move my fingers after a 7-hour-surgery, at that time I could hardly recognize my sister out from anesthesia, at that time when I’m inside the MIR scanner for 2 long hours to check for further growth of tumour around my body, at that time when I’m folding a bloodied short pants of a loved – one when I thought I have been sincerely and passionately serving the Lord and meeting Him in my prayer time, I never ever dared told Him that He is unfair to me. Because He was never, He is never and will never be.

To go through consecutive surgeries because of recurrent tumour while I was actively loving the Lord and to experience injustice in family when all my life, my parents loved that “salot”/pestilence (as what a netizen called him in one of my FB posts) so dearly were moments of immeasurable deep sufferings. But, in my heart no amount of what I’ve suffered could cause me to doubt God’s love for me. No amount of people’s lack of compassion, self-righteousness, lack of kindness and injustice could make me dare tell God in His face “You are so unfair. Avenge for me to prove your fairness.”

I could only brought those moments of loses to the Lord. Simply because of my lack of understanding of why these are things happening to me.

And in my abandon of all those heartbreaks to the hands of the Lord that I was able to gather my life back to pieces.

Five years after my surgery, my oncologist declared me to be free from any malignant tumour (growth), I can peacefully rest at night, and while I was given the opportunity, too, to be back at school, I had the opportunity to own a small property. While, we work on filing our case, my family got the chance of building a nightly rosary together, wherever we may be of the part of the world. We are getting there. These are, but, results of surrender.

What I am saying here, Sisters, in regard of heartbreaks, let’s not just move on from heartbreak but rise from it. When we abandon our heartbreaks to the Lord, our God, He does not waste anything and uses it for His glory.

When we say for His glory, it is for the fullness of our lives.

There is life after each heartbreak when we let the Redeemer, the Restorer handles it.

Dearest Father In Heaven

I love you with all my heart, with all my scars, with all that I went through. I won’t go to the next chapter of my life without You.

I believe You have a purpose in my life and You will not waste all of my sorrows. I abandon every single sorrow I have in my heart. You can handle it because Jesus, You Son, went through all of it and overcame and rose from death.

Amen.

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It was almost one and quarter in the afternoon when I alighted from the bus. I had only 15 minutes left for supposed start time of Christian Life Program (CLP). CLP is a 13-week program that is the work of evangelization of the Catholic community that I belong. Considering that I somehow was part of …

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