I am back to this place of prayer and silence once again. I said my prayers and paused. I have almost the same prayers just like I had the last time I was here.

I know He had heard my prayers uttered in the deepest portion of my heart. I know being my wonderful Creator, He wants the best for me. Only the best. There is no way He is ignoring my prayers.

But, since He is also a loving Father, He granted me the gift of free will and thus, He needs my permission and freedom of will so His plans can happen in my life.

If this desire of mine has long been planned by my great Creator, then I submit to His will.

God, if it is me who is blocking to receive Your gifts, then, change my heart. This heart who truly longs for Your answers.

You can rurn water to wine. You can part seas and create a dry land our of it. You can calm the storm instantly. You can do all those things and I know You can change my heart, too,

Change my heart, Oh God, so, I can receive Your answers to my prayers.

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Happy Valentine’s of last month ago. Lol.
Where were you last Valentine’s Day?
I had a great Valentíne’s day at work and spent a laughter-filled and meaningful dinner. Since then, I have been busy and has been missing writing blogs. But, there was never a day that I did not think of my readers. You are God’s best gift to me last year and only by your kindness that I have finally put that “blogger” role after my name.

In a nutshell, a lot of blessings have been happening in my life. I have a new exciting full-time job which is an exact answer to my prayers and will tell you more about it on my succeeding stories and sharings. But this time let me share the opportunity when I asked men, particularly leaders of the Catholic charismatic community of single people where I also serve, about what turns them off and what turns them in for pursuit for a single lady.

I think it’s the best time to take a peak on what kind of girl (sister) fills their minds, yes, on this month of women.

Listen to these, friends.

Meet the leader – guy from the East. He is a gentle and prayerful person who is sporty and is himself a gentle guy. His two reasons to fall for a lady are intelligence and gentle demeanor. While, childish girls make him run away from the war of romantic pursuit.

The second guy – leader is so from the heart of MRT stations. If you are in Singapore, you will know it’s Serangoon. His two biggest weaknesses are girls who love their families, brown – skinned, intelligent, simple, gentle and God-fearing. His biggest turn – off are girls who are loud.

The third leader is someone from the west. He got so comfortable with my question, I guess, because he is the closet among the three for we share many years of friendship, that he has a long list of what turns him into a hunter in the game of courtship.

His biggest turn – on is someone who can carry – on a great conversation whatever the topic is, from superficial to the serious and vice versa. He likes, too, girls who are gentle, soft spoken that she is comfortable to talk – to, kind – hearted to both strangers and loved – ones and to herself. She really is undoubtedly kind, pleasing and graceful, supportive, encouraging, fun-to-be-with, lovable and funny. He stressed the “fun-to-be-with”. Someone confident of herself that she can joke about herself, her weaknesses, not insecure, not necessarily intelligent but who loves learning and curious and willing to be better.
A big bonus is someone who cooks really well! His turn-offs are girls who are vain and selfish.
I am writing and sharing to girls not in an effort to fit to their “likes” but to know the inner qualities we can work on to catch the attention of someone who is pleasing to the Lord Himself.

I just hope we are winning someone’s attention and we are encouraging that person closer to the Lord, more than we are pulling them to us.

I had fun writing this. I hope you had fun reading this, too.

Please like and share, out of your kindness. God bless!

Dear Sis B,
How to reject a nice suitor without him getting hurt and discouraged?

Love,

Sis Black Pink

_____

Dear Sis Black Pink,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I must be honest that I have been staring at the photo of Saint Josemaria Escriva, the Saint of ordinary life and founder of Opus Dei and praying that he intercedes for me because I find your predicament no ordinary. This is the kind of problem only known to the sweet, charming and unassuming Godesses, like me.

Of course. No one can contest when a mother “indoctrinated” her daughter how beautiful she is. LOL.

Seriously speaking I would like to take note and sends you honor for wanting to hear ways of rejecting a nice guy nicely. Perhaps, the difficulty of rejecting him comes from that fact you find this guy nice and nice guys are rewarded with nice attention. I have three big concepts for you.

One, nice guys just like any one of us deserves to know the truth.

It is not the truth that hurts but false hopes and lies do.

Two, if you only find him nice but not attractive enough, maybe it’s time to check and reflect on the non-negotiable qualities you are looking for a lifetime marriage partner. I am not saying that you date a non-good-looking guy but what I am saying is that you LOOK CLOSELY on that nice guy’s physical look and discover what will attract you. I am not forcing you to be attracted to him but I am encouraging you to give this nice guy a second look. Most of the time, nice guys gain a certain degree of handsomeness using a pair of “wise” eyes.

Should you find him not suitable for you after a thorough thinking and sincere praying that led to your decision to reject him, then ask him to meet you. Say your available timings and let him choose his prefered time out from the options that you have provided. Let him know right away that this meeting will be quick and not easy for you to do. If you have been going out, I am sure you have noted how he usually does things so apply those in this meeting.

Three, please look this “announcement” as his liberation so you will also be freed from any guilt or sadness that this “announcement” would possibly caused him. Tell him words from your heart but refined by your mind. Here is a suggestion used by a sister previously and it worked for the brother to remain positive in his search and even more passionate in serving God.

“We have been spending time together and I truly enjoyed that time. I deeply appreciate your efforts and prayers for me. Thank you. But after reflecting on what is in my heart and how I see our communication, I think we better stop spending our time exclusively. Please stop courting and I want you to search and find that special girl who truly is meant for you and you can only do that if you would stop communicating with me, at least for awhile. Let’s also stop our frequent and nightly calls.”

If he asks you a question, then, just answer truthfully and gently.

There will be awkward silence, but I’m telling you to bear the awkward silence rather than giving him extended false hopes.

I will pray for you and may you be found by the one who is the longing of your heart and answer to your prayers.

Love and Beauty,
B

________

Thank you for reading.

Please share your tips and thoughts on rejecting a suitor!

(Finding something meaningful in this post? Please show support. Please find the like and share button at the bottom and that will mean a lot of appreciation. )

In my bible reading of the gospel according to Mark, I encountered this verse again. This time it spoke to me in a different way. It spoke to me about signs and our judgement, even in our romantic lives. I went back to a video of Nicole Kidman, one of my favourite actresses, when, she guested in The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon for the first time, sometime 3 years ago today.

I can’t help but picture it in my mind while Jimmy Fallon tells his version of the incident and Nicole does hers, too.

Here’s the link. You will certainly enjoy.

Jimmy Fallon Blew A Chance To Date Nicole Kidman

This is a story that creates different reactions from different type of singles.
For waiting singles, they will say “That’s a big near miss! Sayang”. For heartbroken singles, they will say “Men, they just do not see who are the one! Ugh”. For steady and ready-to-mingle singles, they will say “OK, let’s move on from here, next!”, without even asking themselves “Did I just had a T.O.T.G.A?

(T.O.T.G.A. = Teh, one that got away.) L.O.L.

This true story between Nicole and Jimmy never leaves my mind without me smiling… with relief.

When things are not falling into proper places and falling into places means falling at the right time, it only goes to show that the universe is helping to translate the situation that it is not meant for my good.

This thought was validated in this event with Jimmy and Nicole.

Here are my points:

First, I put the crucial point to Rick, the common friend. I must say that Rick did not deliver completely the task of a wing man. He did not tell Jimmy to order some nice foods and be at his best when him and Nicole arrive. He must have reasons for not doing so. That night might be not so romantic for him, that he did not see the the big picture of love happening between his well-known friends and doing great favours for them. He must have reasons.

Second, I agree of how Nicole assessed Jimmy’s wardrobe and look when they arrived at his apartment. If men are visual, all the more women are. The only difference is women can be  quiet about it and have the power to still consider giving a man a chance of being together who does not meet her physical standards but appeals to her higher needs like security or life’s purpose. But, at this time, Nicole felt that Jimmy’s wearing of cap is an absence of interest. To share a bit of my own story. The Lord knows how I assessed (a few) men in the past and even in  the present times, that men who meet me without even trying to look at his best, physically are not into me, simply, because they are not trying to impress me, not at all. Although, this is not the singular criteria of assessing whether a man is into a lady and vice-versa, a decent OOTD greatly matters for a first – time meeting between singles from opposite sex. That happened to Nicole for felling that way. She must have reasons.

Thirdly and most importantly, had Jimmy really liked Nicole and not just like having i-am-not-worthy-fan-admiration, he could have called Nicole and asked her number from Rick and call her with lines like “Oh, hi there. Thank you for your visit last night and I felt I missed to prepare you something great to eat, you know that kind of stuff. Err.. Would you like to have a dinner with me, sometime?” That’s not even 50 words including the shy-expressions! Why didn’t he call? He must have reasons.

OK, that first meeting might be tragic for Jimmy to prepare and be at his best. But, c’mon, man, ladies like Nicole can very well understand the situation that they’ve just walk-by without a prior notice so they can give this man a chance. Afterall, she liked him! But, Jimmy did not call and ask the universe to give him a chance to impress Nicole. Jimmy must have reasons for not doing so.

Or… the universe knew and whispered to Nicole as earlier at that time that few years down the road someone else is meant for her, who the universe will help to translate that he is the one for her and in the same way to Jimmy, too.

God is merciful. God sends signs so we will be aligned with him.

So, me and fellow waiting people whether single or married, waiting for a dream to transpire, be still and have faith.

When things are not falling into proper places, it is not yet time. When it is not yet time, be still and wait with anticipation for that time of favours to come.

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Thank you for reading.
May God be praised.

Love and beauty,
B.

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As someone who has been praying for a lifetime partner, I have experienced occasions of scam in the past and knowing friends who experienced the same.

Sadly, but, in the real world there are people who take advantage insincerely and ruthlessly evil of that holy desire of finding a spouse and raising a family. Most of the time, since they are left unidentified, they continue to hurt the lives of single and looking people not only emotionally but more often, financially.

I personally see scammers as cruel people. Since they don’t personally see the effects of what they have done to their victims, they can ignore outrightly the small voice of conscience in their spirits.

Quite scary for pure intention of loving and be loved by someone who loves you and loves you in return. But, like any other quests in our lives, there are dangers hiding along the way to victory.

The objective of this blog is not to add more “cheese” to that search but open our eyes and minds to the reality of the world where the future spouse also lives.

Here are few signs of this kind of scam:

1. He falls in love with you head over heels in no time.

I came to get in contact with a scammer through a Catholic dating site. He was quick in writing love letters that can sweep off my feet every night and can even quote of bible verses in professing his (scam) love for me.

2. His questioning or kind of getting to know you-ways are more of into interrogation of your financial capabilities.
Few of those questions are towards to:
A. Job position
B. Your travels
C. Your closeness with your family and friends

That person who was a scam kept on telling me that I don’t share with friends about my communication with him for his reason was that girl friends may get “jealous” of what we have. However, at that time, I was already actively serving and part of the Catholic Church community for singles and I trusted my prayer group leader so well that I shared with her even the first time that this person called me. So, by the time that this person was asking me for money, my prayer group leader had her suspicions confirmed.

3. I have experienced scam in two occasions and for both occasions, the perpetrators always fall into sickness.

Any lady who is blinded by his “unproven” love will be overpowered by her emotion to help financially even unreasonably.

4. Their love is conditional.

I have a friend who did not know that her helper was communicating with someone from the internet and she only got to know it when the helper frantically cried. The helper was told by her “lover” that he will send their engagement ring after the helper sends the money for the finishing touches of the house he was building for them and was provided with a link where the helper can track where the engagement ring is.

What was horrifying that the minute the helper completed the online and quick remittance, the link was gone.

5. His/ her details are not specific.

I told a friend who then has already started engaging online with a man who sent her a message through the Catholic dating site where my friend joined, to ask this man to provide her the company name and the reception number where this man works and that my friend will call that reception number to reach him. My friend was able to reach him which gave her a confidence to carry on the online conversation.

Though, my examples are experiences gained in the online dating world, these guides can also be applied in the face-to-face meet ups or dating.

As proven best practice, although, we may be dependent and mature by our own assessment, as searching singles, it is still best to include our parents or family members and a trusted friend in every step that we do in finding the lifetime partner.

As waiting and looking individuals, let us be like as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves. For surely, whoever has the pure intention with seeking heart for the right guidance, the Lord will lead.
——-
Prayers
It is in my prayers to whoever is reading this and is sincerely praying for a spouse that he/she finds him/ today without going through the harm caused by scams. Amen.

——-
For women who have additional tips which can help women in their online search, please comment below.

Finding hope in this post?
Please give a like and share.
Thank you and God bless.

(Leading Prayer Group Meetings)

It was at that time when I said “Yes” to be a group prayer head in a Catholic charismatic community for singles. This Catholic charismatic community has small units of prayer group. This prayer group is called “Household” which is normally consists of 4-5 single ladies, so, that makes me a Household head.
Being friends mainly with girls is something very familiar for me, as growing up and during teen years, I was part of all girls big group of friends. During my first years as a young professional, I still was part of all ladies group in the company where I worked. We regularly went to night – outs wearing our Tok-Toks (our own secret code for high – heeled shoes because of the sound that it makes when we walk with it on). Basically, what I am saying here, I know generally how girls operate, unite, celebrate, love and fight together ever since I was young. Girl power, how ancient the concept may it sound, has always been in me… until I joined the Catholic community for singles .

As I write this, I can’t help but be filled once again with gratitude. This is the posture of my heart each time I get to remember my first few days as an S-F-C, of becoming, that is, Someone for Christ.

Heading the Household prayer group for sisters is also like leading a girl power group in fun and activities except that with this task, I am leading them to Christ and not to the “domination” (lol) of the world. Leading them to Christ means making myself available for them without any cost. Unlike the girl power friendship, this task required me sacrifices. So, I later replaced the term “task” to “service” and me not a “leader” but a “mother”, as I always associate sacrifices to motherhood.

During my first year as a Household head, I was faced with struggles to prepare the discussion topics, my parents’ house and foods.

The difficulty on preparing the discussion topic was not so much because my default topic was the scripture reading for the day, compared to preparing and clearing the food to be served. The latter task was more daunting for me. Food preparation required me time and other resources.

Burdened I may seemed with the differences of building friendship with new sisters (new members) in the community, however, just like in my all-girls friendship, I find joy and love whenever I am with them during household prayer meetings.

All my efforts are somewhat reciprocated specially whenever there was a well-attended household prayer meeting. But I enjoyed, too, even only a member shows up. It is a chance for a heart – to – heart talk.

So, after each and every prayer meeting when all the members are gone and I am left alone washing used glasses, plates, spoons and forks, clearing the table and floors. There in that last task that I find silence without the rush, but, a happy silence with the Lord. It is in this moment that my mind starts to process what just transpired in the prayer meeting. It is in this moment that I realize the Lord is making everything possible. It is in this moment that I say, “Thank You, Lord. Mission accomplished.” It is in this act of washing the dishes, clearing the table and rubbish bin that I find most fulfilling of becoming a head.

Matthew 20:16
So the last will be first, and the first will be last.


Thank you for reading.

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