Chronicles of Benia

STORIES.REFLECTIONS.PRAYERS

must admit that in my long years with young praying adult singles, I can not anymore count using both hands how many times I have consoled a sister (lady) because she was not “chosen” by someone she liked and someone else was chosen and that someone else who was chosen happens to be someone she knows also. In a clearer picture,her girlfriend was chosen by someone she likes for herself.

I can console. I can comfort because I know how that feels.


I am no exception. Not once, but twice. Twice that I died to myself. I will give you a picture how it looked with the more heartbreaking moment.


I flew to International Conference for Singles and I’ve been hearing news about them but I had still had high hopes that it was just the regular sister and brother relationship. I’ve just arrived at the venue when I saw them together and they were both laughing. The moment I saw them… I grabbed the brother and exclaimed, “She looks like a forlorn puppy.”

Of course, that was not what happened. Lol.

The moment I saw them, I turned around, stopped and looked down. Heavens knew what I spoke within me, “Lord, naman. Wala pa akong tulog o. I flew here tapos yan ang bubungad nyo sa akin.” (Lord, I haven’t even slept yet. I flew here, then, You’d welcome me with this.) And I swear this happened afterwards, there was a sudden downpour of rain from skies.

They looked cute together. Not me and him. But her and him.

There are times that no matter how hard a sister avoided to fall-in love with her brother – friend, romantic feelings happen. Due to seemingly harmless circumstances, it happens, although to not all friends, but to some sisters and brothers. I don’t assign blame to any party, for in a loving community we take loving seriously. However, all the more we are in a loving community, lest, should we not be more careful on how we relate to one another?

Heeding the boundaries of every relationship that we establish is the supreme loving act for our loved-ones, for our friends.


LOVE WINS: BE THE BEST SISTER

When friendship hurts because romantic feelings occurred for one party only, be the best sister for him, let go of the romantic feelings and hopes as him and you as couple.

When friendship hurts because romantic feelings had took place for one party only, be the best sister for him.

Set your hopes higher to the Lord. He who is love Himself is the author and finisher of every true love story. Hope in the Lord. He will finish a love story for you.



When friendship hurts because romantic feelings had developed for one party only, be the best sister for him. Love him through your decent distance from him. Love is so powerful that we can love EVEN with a certain distance.

When friendship hurts because romantic feelings came into being for one party only, be the best sister for him. Empty yourself of envy. Envy has its own circle of relatives, they are resentment bitterness and jealousy. Be empty of all of those.


As loving friends just like Jesus to us, our loving friend, He died for us. We, too, must learn to die to ourselves, continue to be the best sister, continue to serve, continue to have faith, continue to choose Christ! This is sacrifice and that is love. And love always wins!

When we become the best sister for our “romantic” brother – friend, we are able to love, too…May be not romantically, but this time more deeply.



Dear Father God in Heaven, Lord,

During this time of loneliness of not being “chosen”, please help me NOT forget the people that You bless me with. Please help me not forget the You choose me. Always.

I look forward to that day when this hurting ends. I will make it sooner. Would you please embrace me? Help me. Thank you.

Mother Mary, please intercede for me.

Saint Josemaria Escriva, pray for us.

Amen.



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11/11/2018

“But bless the Lord Christ in your hearts, Always have an answer ready when you are called upon to account for your hope, but give it simply and with respect.” 1 Peter 3:15

Hello, November.

My 2018 plans is posted in my study area, an area located at the foot-side of my bed. So, every single morning, or more appropriately, since I work in a shift pattern, every single waking-up and sleeping – time morning, I get to see my 2018 Goals hanging there.

Seeing without looking is seeing without the other senses. You physically see that thing is there without giving full attention. And that’s how I treat my 2018 Goals these past few months.

Until today.

Today is November 2. As I remember the souls of my dearly departed, I gave – in to the temptation to see with full attention to my 2018 Goals. I look to it.

The Origin of My Planning
(Ang Alamat ng Pagtatakda)
I need to translate in Tagalog because its more fun. Because the rest of what I will write are seriously true.

Having gone under-the-knife for five surgeries already, 3 minor and 2 major and faced cancer scare in my life, I, (with long pause and deep breath) Benia, do solemnly swear that life is short and that only the Lord can give and take from us His greatest loan to us – the gift of life. In the same way, He determines our death, He alone can determine life (pregnancy/birth)… the covenant of marriage. (Makes beautiful eyes with the thought of marriage).

OK. Here’s the more serious part.

Life is short.

So, the greatest and most valuable thing that can go to waste is T-I-M-E.

I pray and I try with all my best and ask the Lord’s guidance so I can spend this life that He has given me and extended with intentionality.

I consider it a blessing that the Lord allowed me to feel to be facing a possibly imminent death (2-hour inside an MRI machine) and not having completed a mission in this life. It was tragic! It was not the possibility of imminent death (it was heartbreaking, yes!) that is tragic but the thought that I will be dying and has NOT completed my mission (my desires) is! It felt like that dying with out a completed mission is just going through life like a passing wind.

So, I begged for His mercy that He grants me healing and extend my life. This year I am pronounced Cancer – survivor. (Thank you, God, my Lord!)

It’s November. Two months to 2019.
We still have two months, Lord, to erase – off another item or two from this year’s plan. It is still a long period of time.

Let me not be another dose of a passing wind.
____

How are doing in your yearly plan? Thank you for reading.

_______

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07/11/2018

Dear Sis B, Lately, I’ve been trying to take hold of my finances for my future plans. But how can be one be thrifty but at the same time still stay generous to others? I firmly believe in my heart that Jesus wants us to be generous not just on our time and talents but …

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There Is Life After Heartbreaks (Don’t Just Move-On, Rise From It, Sistha)

13/10/2018


Ms Anonymous letter is my first letter from someone who is really anonymous to me. LOL. Yes, I know every single one in all my previous “Dear Sis B”.

Dear Sis B, Why God seems to be unfair? What’s wrong with me?

Ms Anonymous is like many of us, ladies, experiencing heartbreak upon heartbreaks. But I am not only referring to heartbreaks from romantic relationships only but also heartbreak from work, heartbreak from church ministries, heartbreak from family and friends.

Were we not told that only people we love can hurt us? So, the moment we decide to love, we also open our hearts to heartbreak. We love our work, our church ministries, our family and friends and so they can also bring heartbreak to us. Ms Anonymous even opened herself to heartbreak with God’s seemingly unfairness to her.

I’ve my taste of series of heartbreaks (maybe, one of these days, I will share stories of all of it). At that time when I could hardly move my fingers after a 7-hour-surgery, at that time I could hardly recognize my sister out from anesthesia, at that time when I’m inside the MIR scanner for 2 long hours to check for further growth of tumour around my body, at that time when I’m folding a bloodied short pants of a loved – one when I thought I have been sincerely and passionately serving the Lord and meeting Him in my prayer time, I never ever dared told Him that He is unfair to me. Because He was never, He is never and will never be.

To go through consecutive surgeries because of recurrent tumour while I was actively loving the Lord and to experience injustice in family when all my life, my parents loved that “salot”/pestilence (as what a netizen called him in one of my FB posts) so dearly were moments of immeasurable deep sufferings. But, in my heart no amount of what I’ve suffered could cause me to doubt God’s love for me. No amount of people’s lack of compassion, self-righteousness, lack of kindness and injustice could make me dare tell God in His face “You are so unfair. Avenge for me to prove your fairness.”

I could only brought those moments of loses to the Lord. Simply because of my lack of understanding of why these are things happening to me.

And in my abandon of all those heartbreaks to the hands of the Lord that I was able to gather my life back to pieces.

Five years after my surgery, my oncologist declared me to be free from any malignant tumour (growth), I can peacefully rest at night, and while I was given the opportunity, too, to be back at school, I had the opportunity to own a small property. While, we work on filing our case, my family got the chance of building a nightly rosary together, wherever we may be of the part of the world. We are getting there. These are, but, results of surrender.

What I am saying here, Sisters, in regard of heartbreaks, let’s not just move on from heartbreak but rise from it. When we abandon our heartbreaks to the Lord, our God, He does not waste anything and uses it for His glory.

When we say for His glory, it is for the fullness of our lives.

There is life after each heartbreak when we let the Redeemer, the Restorer handles it.

Dearest Father In Heaven

I love you with all my heart, with all my scars, with all that I went through. I won’t go to the next chapter of my life without You.

I believe You have a purpose in my life and You will not waste all of my sorrows. I abandon every single sorrow I have in my heart. You can handle it because Jesus, You Son, went through all of it and overcame and rose from death.

Amen.

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“Dear Sis B, My Works Are Not Appreciated”

07/09/2018


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Dear Sister,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I once in that shoes and it does not feel better compared to that feeling of loss over a favorite pet. (I belong to the family of cat lovers that brings me to many circumstances of crying because of death of old cats or kittens). Whether you feel unappreciated over your hard works in the family, office, church service, it is terrible to carry such feelings. On top of that, most of us women would keep quiet and burden ourselves with self-doubts.

Just like the love language, appreciation can be expressed through any of these: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service or touch.

Sister, take clues on how this person receives appreciation because normally how we receive appreciation is how we send appreciation to others. (But for you sisters out there who are not receiving appreciation over their hard works in the office, make it known through proper course of performance evaluation.)

 

Although the needing for appreciation may be screaming within us for quiet a while and is valid, I encourage you to shift your focus with anticipation and great joy to the image of the appreciation of the Lord.

Some people may not see or remember our good works but the good news is the Lord does. He sees and remembers our good works.

In today’s first reading, “Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then every man will receive his commendation from God.” 1 Corinthian 4:5.

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The Lord’s appreciation is much more massive and encompassing including the motive of the heart and His appreciation can’t be concealed by any force and that what matters the most.

 

Love and Beauty,
Benia

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