__________________

Dear Sis B,
Before we wed, we kept a happy and stable long distance relationship for years. We did not meet online but, after, I decided to work overseas our communication happened mostly through online.

During the first month of our marriage, I found tons of messages from one girl in his phone. All those messages were sent before our wedding. I remembered the latest was sent several months before our wedding. It was clear to me that something was going – on. I brought this discovery to his knowledge which later on resulted to a big fight. It was our first big fight and first time for me to be shoved.

I did my own “investigation” and resulted to series of fights almost every night with screaming and at times, him getting physical on me.

I feel so numb writing this email to you. I just want to unload for it is too heavy to carry alone.

Sis Happy-less
__________________

Dear Sis Happy-less,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I just want to tell you that I prayed for you and your husband the moment I saw your email.

I am so thankful that you reached to me. I know that this will be an avenue towards to gaining of more courage on seeking help. I know that this is just a start of series of unloading.

Something in me is telling me that more than words, you just want someone to listen to you. And I know and sure that there are a lot of concerned and willing FEMALE true friends who know you and your husband personally who can listen to you in a more personal way.

The works of evil continue to lurk and can only damage in the dark, so, please CONTINUE to seek the light. Please continue to speak to reach out for help and guidance.

Help will come your way.

You are anonymous to me but you are not anonymous to any of your wedding God-parents. Please seek counsel from any of your closest God-parent.

If you are not safe, please seek a safe place. Now.

I will pray for you, more than anything else for your peace of mind and safety. For I know, any princess can bear hurtful words for long but not bruises neither slight “shove”.

Carry – on, Sis.
I am sure you prayed for a happy marriage, so, fight for it, please continue to reach out. Please continue to pray.

Love and Beauty,
B

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must admit that in my long years with young praying adult singles, I can not anymore count using both hands how many times I have consoled a sister (lady) because she was not “chosen” by someone she liked and someone else was chosen and that someone else who was chosen happens to be someone she knows also. In a clearer picture,her girlfriend was chosen by someone she likes for herself.

I can console. I can comfort because I know how that feels.


I am no exception. Not once, but twice. Twice that I died to myself. I will give you a picture how it looked with the more heartbreaking moment.


I flew to International Conference for Singles and I’ve been hearing news about them but I had still had high hopes that it was just the regular sister and brother relationship. I’ve just arrived at the venue when I saw them together and they were both laughing. The moment I saw them… I grabbed the brother and exclaimed, “She looks like a forlorn puppy.”

Of course, that was not what happened. Lol.

The moment I saw them, I turned around, stopped and looked down. Heavens knew what I spoke within me, “Lord, naman. Wala pa akong tulog o. I flew here tapos yan ang bubungad nyo sa akin.” (Lord, I haven’t even slept yet. I flew here, then, You’d welcome me with this.) And I swear this happened afterwards, there was a sudden downpour of rain from skies.

They looked cute together. Not me and him. But her and him.

There are times that no matter how hard a sister avoided to fall-in love with her brother – friend, romantic feelings happen. Due to seemingly harmless circumstances, it happens, although to not all friends, but to some sisters and brothers. I don’t assign blame to any party, for in a loving community we take loving seriously. However, all the more we are in a loving community, lest, should we not be more careful on how we relate to one another?

Heeding the boundaries of every relationship that we establish is the supreme loving act for our loved-ones, for our friends.


LOVE WINS: BE THE BEST SISTER

When friendship hurts because romantic feelings occurred for one party only, be the best sister for him, let go of the romantic feelings and hopes as him and you as couple.

When friendship hurts because romantic feelings had took place for one party only, be the best sister for him.

Set your hopes higher to the Lord. He who is love Himself is the author and finisher of every true love story. Hope in the Lord. He will finish a love story for you.



When friendship hurts because romantic feelings had developed for one party only, be the best sister for him. Love him through your decent distance from him. Love is so powerful that we can love EVEN with a certain distance.

When friendship hurts because romantic feelings came into being for one party only, be the best sister for him. Empty yourself of envy. Envy has its own circle of relatives, they are resentment bitterness and jealousy. Be empty of all of those.


As loving friends just like Jesus to us, our loving friend, He died for us. We, too, must learn to die to ourselves, continue to be the best sister, continue to serve, continue to have faith, continue to choose Christ! This is sacrifice and that is love. And love always wins!

When we become the best sister for our “romantic” brother – friend, we are able to love, too…May be not romantically, but this time more deeply.



Dear Father God in Heaven, Lord,

During this time of loneliness of not being “chosen”, please help me NOT forget the people that You bless me with. Please help me not forget the You choose me. Always.

I look forward to that day when this hurting ends. I will make it sooner. Would you please embrace me? Help me. Thank you.

Mother Mary, please intercede for me.

Saint Josemaria Escriva, pray for us.

Amen.



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In my bible reading of the gospel according to Mark, I encountered this verse again. This time it spoke to me in a different way. It spoke to me about signs and our judgement, even in our romantic lives. I went back to a video of Nicole Kidman, one of my favourite actresses, when, she guested in The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon for the first time, sometime 3 years ago today.

I can’t help but picture it in my mind while Jimmy Fallon tells his version of the incident and Nicole does hers, too.

Here’s the link. You will certainly enjoy.

Jimmy Fallon Blew A Chance To Date Nicole Kidman

This is a story that creates different reactions from different type of singles.
For waiting singles, they will say “That’s a big near miss! Sayang”. For heartbroken singles, they will say “Men, they just do not see who are the one! Ugh”. For steady and ready-to-mingle singles, they will say “OK, let’s move on from here, next!”, without even asking themselves “Did I just had a T.O.T.G.A?

(T.O.T.G.A. = Teh, one that got away.) L.O.L.

This true story between Nicole and Jimmy never leaves my mind without me smiling… with relief.

When things are not falling into proper places and falling into places means falling at the right time, it only goes to show that the universe is helping to translate the situation that it is not meant for my good.

This thought was validated in this event with Jimmy and Nicole.

Here are my points:

First, I put the crucial point to Rick, the common friend. I must say that Rick did not deliver completely the task of a wing man. He did not tell Jimmy to order some nice foods and be at his best when him and Nicole arrive. He must have reasons for not doing so. That night might be not so romantic for him, that he did not see the the big picture of love happening between his well-known friends and doing great favours for them. He must have reasons.

Second, I agree of how Nicole assessed Jimmy’s wardrobe and look when they arrived at his apartment. If men are visual, all the more women are. The only difference is women can be  quiet about it and have the power to still consider giving a man a chance of being together who does not meet her physical standards but appeals to her higher needs like security or life’s purpose. But, at this time, Nicole felt that Jimmy’s wearing of cap is an absence of interest. To share a bit of my own story. The Lord knows how I assessed (a few) men in the past and even in  the present times, that men who meet me without even trying to look at his best, physically are not into me, simply, because they are not trying to impress me, not at all. Although, this is not the singular criteria of assessing whether a man is into a lady and vice-versa, a decent OOTD greatly matters for a first – time meeting between singles from opposite sex. That happened to Nicole for felling that way. She must have reasons.

Thirdly and most importantly, had Jimmy really liked Nicole and not just like having i-am-not-worthy-fan-admiration, he could have called Nicole and asked her number from Rick and call her with lines like “Oh, hi there. Thank you for your visit last night and I felt I missed to prepare you something great to eat, you know that kind of stuff. Err.. Would you like to have a dinner with me, sometime?” That’s not even 50 words including the shy-expressions! Why didn’t he call? He must have reasons.

OK, that first meeting might be tragic for Jimmy to prepare and be at his best. But, c’mon, man, ladies like Nicole can very well understand the situation that they’ve just walk-by without a prior notice so they can give this man a chance. Afterall, she liked him! But, Jimmy did not call and ask the universe to give him a chance to impress Nicole. Jimmy must have reasons for not doing so.

Or… the universe knew and whispered to Nicole as earlier at that time that few years down the road someone else is meant for her, who the universe will help to translate that he is the one for her and in the same way to Jimmy, too.

God is merciful. God sends signs so we will be aligned with him.

So, me and fellow waiting people whether single or married, waiting for a dream to transpire, be still and have faith.

When things are not falling into proper places, it is not yet time. When it is not yet time, be still and wait with anticipation for that time of favours to come.

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Thank you for reading.
May God be praised.

Love and beauty,
B.

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This is a prayer shared by Father Pat Fitzpatrick C.S.Sp in his homily on 30 October 2018 at Daily TV Mass.

Before anyone can move forward from injustice, injury, failure, loss, rejection; acceptance is needed.

Finding it difficult to accept things? Reflect and pray this.

OPENING HANDS

I see, Lord, in my tight hands the representation of my self.

I held on to myself, my cares, my possessions, my pride.

I shut you out, lest, you will change me.

And I shut other people, lest, they know me and maybe hurt me.

 

With closed fist I could strike – out against those who threaten me.

But, I see in the tight knuckles and tensed forearms what is this doing to me.

I’m opt tight, tense, lonely and I’m probably destroying myself.

And so I slowly open my hands and release myself to You, Lord.

 

Take me as I am, my guilt, my burdens, my cares, my emptiness and maybe my loneliness.

With open hands and out-stretched arms, my arms no longer hurt.

My knuckles are no longer tight.

 

Thank you, Lord, for release, for peace, for freedom.

With open hands, I no longer shut You out or strike – out against others.

Open hands are for helping. Fill them with Your love, O God.

Show them what to do, how to give, how to serve.

 

And now, I’m aware of the hurts and needs of others.

I placed them in these hands.

I gather them into my hands.

And I lift them to You, for Your sustaining grace and healing touch.

 

No longer alone, I reached out to grasp the hands of brothers or sisters.

I thank You Lord for him and for her.

Shape us together sister, brother, everyone.

Shape us together into the body of Christ.

Amen.

 

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A sister asked me about discernment. I thought instead of writing a “Dear Sis B” to her about discernment, I will post another journal entry.

I wrote this entry when all doors that I attempted to open seem to closing on me.

After writing this, there was a clear direction to be still and regard that season to be where the Lord wants me to be in.

————-

Dear Father GOD,

Father God, my heart is restless. But, I wish to follow what WSQ had told me about career path. Lord, please light the path that I should be going.

I attended the Mass yesterday. I heard the priest said,

“Love God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and do as you please.” This is by St Augustine.

I need to bring this heart to You first and I can do anything as what my heart pleases.
Lord, I pray that I will just have a happy and fulfilling time with family next week. Please help us to bond together with unity and love.
I pray, Lord for my siblings and their children. I pray for my dream of writing to be fulfilled.
I’m praying for my future spouse. I just like to recognize the kind of heart you have gifted me with, a heart that just don’t know to stop to hope. Is this for real, Lord? Lol. I’m just kidding.

Father God, I know You know better than I do. Please speak to my heart if I’m going the wrong way.
Please build me an empire. I don’t know exactly what that means but please help me create jobs so more families can bring food to the table and they can be evangelized.
I would like to name the gifts you have given me at this time:
1. My work
2. My health
3. My free time/ my rest days
4. My family and family time
5. My friends
You are good, Lord, thank you.

Love and Trusting,
Benia

-End of entry

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Thank you for reading. God bless.

Love and Beauty,

B.

 

The other day I published a blog about Pia.

What’s With Pía? #exesbaggage (Girl, Don’t Give Your Pearls Away)

IF YOU LIKE IT

Today, it’s time for her one of her lovers. Nix is the male lead character of the movie, Exes Baggage. Pia has 7 ex-boyfriends before Nix came to her life. While, Pia walked into Nix’s life after his girlfriend, Dwein.

What I like about Nix is … actually… I can’t think of anything aside from he can drive car well. (There were a lot of scenes that showed he was driving. Lol)

OK. Here is the serious part.

Nix is a guy I would not like for a caring and loving Pia, specially, at that point of his life when he met Pia. I really think Pia was right to believe that he is not yet completely over with his ex – girlfriend, Dwein. Unlike, Pia , whose reason of believing that Nix is still not over with Dwein is because of his seemingly intentionally delaying the project so he can get to hang-around Dwein’s presence. My reason of believing that Nix is not yet over with Dwein is he has not done yet anything to prove his sincere love for Pia. Him introducing Pia to his mom is not enough to convince me of this. (I know someone who has a cousin who brings different girl every family yearly reunion. She has been wanting to tell every girl that he brought “Hey, you are not the first one. We see different girl every year.”, to dispel any idea of the lady guest that something serious is going – on between her and her cousin. )

Nix did not even try to win her back. Something is holding him back when he seems to be liking the set – up of their togetherness?

I am with Pia when he left Nix. “You go, girl. Get his act together.”

Hello, Nix! If you truly love the girl, then, you should have put a ring on it.

 

 

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(Leading Prayer Group Meetings)

It was at that time when I said “Yes” to be a group prayer head in a Catholic charismatic community for singles. This Catholic charismatic community has small units of prayer group. This prayer group is called “Household” which is normally consists of 4-5 single ladies, so, that makes me a Household head.
Being friends mainly with girls is something very familiar for me, as growing up and during teen years, I was part of all girls big group of friends. During my first years as a young professional, I still was part of all ladies group in the company where I worked. We regularly went to night – outs wearing our Tok-Toks (our own secret code for high – heeled shoes because of the sound that it makes when we walk with it on). Basically, what I am saying here, I know generally how girls operate, unite, celebrate, love and fight together ever since I was young. Girl power, how ancient the concept may it sound, has always been in me… until I joined the Catholic community for singles .

As I write this, I can’t help but be filled once again with gratitude. This is the posture of my heart each time I get to remember my first few days as an S-F-C, of becoming, that is, Someone for Christ.

Heading the Household prayer group for sisters is also like leading a girl power group in fun and activities except that with this task, I am leading them to Christ and not to the “domination” (lol) of the world. Leading them to Christ means making myself available for them without any cost. Unlike the girl power friendship, this task required me sacrifices. So, I later replaced the term “task” to “service” and me not a “leader” but a “mother”, as I always associate sacrifices to motherhood.

During my first year as a Household head, I was faced with struggles to prepare the discussion topics, my parents’ house and foods.

The difficulty on preparing the discussion topic was not so much because my default topic was the scripture reading for the day, compared to preparing and clearing the food to be served. The latter task was more daunting for me. Food preparation required me time and other resources.

Burdened I may seemed with the differences of building friendship with new sisters (new members) in the community, however, just like in my all-girls friendship, I find joy and love whenever I am with them during household prayer meetings.

All my efforts are somewhat reciprocated specially whenever there was a well-attended household prayer meeting. But I enjoyed, too, even only a member shows up. It is a chance for a heart – to – heart talk.

So, after each and every prayer meeting when all the members are gone and I am left alone washing used glasses, plates, spoons and forks, clearing the table and floors. There in that last task that I find silence without the rush, but, a happy silence with the Lord. It is in this moment that my mind starts to process what just transpired in the prayer meeting. It is in this moment that I realize the Lord is making everything possible. It is in this moment that I say, “Thank You, Lord. Mission accomplished.” It is in this act of washing the dishes, clearing the table and rubbish bin that I find most fulfilling of becoming a head.

Matthew 20:16
So the last will be first, and the first will be last.


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