Dear Sis B,
How to reject a nice suitor without him getting hurt and discouraged?

Love,

Sis Black Pink

_____

Dear Sis Black Pink,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I must be honest that I have been staring at the photo of Saint Josemaria Escriva, the Saint of ordinary life and founder of Opus Dei and praying that he intercedes for me because I find your predicament no ordinary. This is the kind of problem only known to the sweet, charming and unassuming Godesses, like me.

Of course. No one can contest when a mother “indoctrinated” her daughter how beautiful she is. LOL.

Seriously speaking I would like to take note and sends you honor for wanting to hear ways of rejecting a nice guy nicely. Perhaps, the difficulty of rejecting him comes from that fact you find this guy nice and nice guys are rewarded with nice attention. I have three big concepts for you.

One, nice guys just like any one of us deserves to know the truth.

It is not the truth that hurts but false hopes and lies do.

Two, if you only find him nice but not attractive enough, maybe it’s time to check and reflect on the non-negotiable qualities you are looking for a lifetime marriage partner. I am not saying that you date a non-good-looking guy but what I am saying is that you LOOK CLOSELY on that nice guy’s physical look and discover what will attract you. I am not forcing you to be attracted to him but I am encouraging you to give this nice guy a second look. Most of the time, nice guys gain a certain degree of handsomeness using a pair of “wise” eyes.

Should you find him not suitable for you after a thorough thinking and sincere praying that led to your decision to reject him, then ask him to meet you. Say your available timings and let him choose his prefered time out from the options that you have provided. Let him know right away that this meeting will be quick and not easy for you to do. If you have been going out, I am sure you have noted how he usually does things so apply those in this meeting.

Three, please look this “announcement” as his liberation so you will also be freed from any guilt or sadness that this “announcement” would possibly caused him. Tell him words from your heart but refined by your mind. Here is a suggestion used by a sister previously and it worked for the brother to remain positive in his search and even more passionate in serving God.

“We have been spending time together and I truly enjoyed that time. I deeply appreciate your efforts and prayers for me. Thank you. But after reflecting on what is in my heart and how I see our communication, I think we better stop spending our time exclusively. Please stop courting and I want you to search and find that special girl who truly is meant for you and you can only do that if you would stop communicating with me, at least for awhile. Let’s also stop our frequent and nightly calls.”

If he asks you a question, then, just answer truthfully and gently.

There will be awkward silence, but I’m telling you to bear the awkward silence rather than giving him extended false hopes.

I will pray for you and may you be found by the one who is the longing of your heart and answer to your prayers.

Love and Beauty,
B

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Thank you for reading.

Please share your tips and thoughts on rejecting a suitor!

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Sometimes, the most enlightening words that can dispel the darkness gripping the course of our life will not come from mouth of well-known speakers neither from written words from self – help books’ authors or generally from other’s prodding, but will come from our own words, from the counsel of our own heart.

Last Christmas, my single heart was feeling the romance of Christmas. I might have watched too much of Hallmark movies on previous months that it caused me to feel empty in the season of reunions, weddings and gift-giving. The feeling of aloneness was even made worse with the situation that I will work on Christmas day and New Year’s eve, literally alone. I fought hard not to be given a task on the Christmas day but all my reasons were left unheard for according to our yearly work schedule, it is everyone from the team’s turn to go on holiday except me. This even before Christmas made me unhappy.

So, on early Christmas morning, I packed a portion from the food left of the Christmas eve dinner with my friends, then headed to work. As an overseas worker, I do not live with my family but I stay with friends. After 12 hours of duty, I was ready to head home. But, when I reached home, there was total darkness. I only then remembered that my friends and their children went to a short holiday getaway and left the country while I was in the office. So, I am left alone in the silent and dark house on a Christmas night.

Trust me that I have been single since forever and I know how to deal with loneliness of aloneness but not on this Christmas day.

I know the drill every single time I feel the loneliness of aloneness and singleness. I have to remember the many gifts of single life that I have. The gift of freedom, the gift of freedom and the gift of freedom. Eerrr… what are the other gifts of Single life, again, Benia?

I must be drowning with loneliness that I forgot the other gifts of single life.
I went to open the Christmas lights and cuddled my lonesome self at the couch.

I have enough of all the single life drama from my own stories and other friends, that I don’t want to make my first Christmas night alone to be a night of drama.

I put on make-up and fix my hair and prepared the table like that day was a Christmas day. I said the grace before meal and talked to the Lord to be with me and send me His angels.

As I ate, I told myself to call my family again after my dinner. I remembered all the gifts that I have received and I didn’t open yet as I waited for this Christmas night. While I ate, I dared to ask myself, “Why am I alone on this Christmas night?”

I am alone because I am overseas because of work. I am alone because I don’t have a family yet… As I chew my food inside my mouth, I chew every reason why I’m still single. An array of past situations and decisions that I made got played inside my head, of missed chances and unopenness attitude. There at that table, alone, I realized I’ve been living so comfortably and didn’t make big decisions that somehow told me I lack courage specially in the area of dating. I made myself to stay in the safe zone and did not make myself open to possibilities. I have not executed my plans to find ways of meeting new people and even listened to my doubts that I rejected past invitations.

I reassured my heart:

“I am not making things hard for myself while I tried to answer that question, “Why am I alone on this Christmas?” I am making things happen, heart. Because we don’t want to be like this every single Christmas to come. This set up will be just temporary.”

It was like a root-cause analysis and implementing corrective – preventive actions, my actual job skill, that I am doing on my actual life.

I counselled my heart not to be lonely with this literal emptiness but to be grateful because there is a chance to change the course of the direction of my life. That this night is a night where the Lord is showing what is important to me and that is relationship, of good relationships. Good relationships that define the meaning and joy in my life, that my decision should be based first and foremost by the question of who and not secondary by why.

I countinued to counsel my heart while I cleared the table and washed the dishes, to revive all the true friendships I have lost along the way and keep those that profoundly matter and drop all those who are exactly opposite, the users and the energy – drainers and the self – righteous. I also counselled my heart to identify what type of events to drop out of my life.

By the end of my dinner and done with packing of another food portion that I will bring for the next day’s work, I felt the revival of my heart. I felt so happy. In this solitude, I counselled my heart and I felt joy.

Before going to sleep, I opened all presents I received from friends and sent a thank-you- message to each one. Then, I called my parents and sister for another greeting for I already talked to them during the Christmas eve. I said a prayer of gratitude and I switched – on my lamp stand happy and at peace.

Dear Single Me, thank you for allowing your heart to understand your mistakes. Thank you, heart, for your courage and hope.

__________

Maybe as the new year starts, why not take a good amount of quality time of understanding, listening and speaking of your heart to your heart?

__________

Please like and share, if only you would. Thank you!!

Please leave a comment of how your last Christmas Eve or Day went. I would love to hear it.

Love and Beauty,

B

Trust that the Lord hears all our prayers. He answers those with the best of His love.

For this new year, may you find His wisdom to His answers to your prayers.

Sharing a prayer.

Prayer for Wisdom

I ask God for strength that I might achieve, I was made weak that I might learn to obey.

I ask for health that I might do great things,
I was given infirmities that I might do better things.

I ask riches that I might be happy, I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I ask for power that I might have the praise of men, I was given weakness that I might feel the need for God.

I ask for all things that I might enjoy life, I was given life that I might enjoy things.

Amen.

God invited time.⌚

In all our prayers, He does so.

So, trust His planning and wait patiently. Because time is invited.

And it shows up to all of His invitations.

I Offered A Rosary For All My Readers
(One Year of Blogging)🎉🎉 Thank You, Lord.

Today, 04 Nov 2018, marks the first year of existence of my self – hosted website (www.thechroniclesofbenia.com) . I only shared the link six months later. I need to think and imagine in my mind first the consequences of putting my thoughts, mainly stories, reflections and prayers, to everyone’s eyes before I had the courage to share it. I was filled with fear but hope and joy to be able to share stories and lessons gained in journey with God outweighed the former.

First Year Anniversary

As I don’t have any prizes or gifts as my thanksgivig to you my readers, I decided to give you the best gift that I can offer. I offered a prayer of rosary for each one of you before the Mass today (04 November) at Church of Divine Mercy . It is also very timely that the today’s gospel is about the greatest commandment of loving God and loving our neighbors.

(Mark 12: 28-34)

Greatest Commandment

Here is my gratitude expressed through the Rosary of Glorious Mystery today.

Dear Lord,

You are the author and finisher of our faith. Our rock and strength.

I thank You for the gift of writing and readers. I remember all of them and even those whom I don’t know who are followers. (Thank You. ) I pray for all of them now, they are all Yours. Please give them perfect health of their bodies. Please grant them healing spiritually, mentally, emotionally and even financially. Please take over their minds whenever problems, challenges and doubts seem to be controlling their thoughts. Please send them Your peace and lit the fire of hope or joy in whatever manner they may translate it. It is my deepest prayer that You strengthen their faith as they journey along uphill and downhill of life.

I pray for their vocation that You will lead and guide them in fulfilling the vocation that You planned for them even before You created the foundations of the world. Their love for You guides them in making decision rightly and lovingly.

I thank You in advance for the countless victories that You will cause to happen in their lives.

I sealed this prayer with the intercession of Mother Mary.

Amen.

Thank you for reading. God bless.