Chronicles of Benia

STORIES.REFLECTIONS.PRAYERS

I have been serving single people who love and honor the Lord for almost two decades now while, I, myself is a síngle person. I have heard and some witnessed stories of female single friends of how they fell in love and heard and witnessed, too, a lot of single people experienced the biggest heartbreak of their lives.

One night, I reflected what it takes to be the right person for another right person. This article is a result of that reflection
____________

Following a love letter

Dear Mr Right, Would you be my number 2?

Here’s the prequel to that.

——–

What it Takes to be Mr Right (A Love Letter)

Dear Son,

How have you been?

Heavens just stopped and dropped their singing these days whenever your heart smiles at my own daughter whether in person or at the screen everytime you message her.

I have planned of your existence long before the foundation of the world but your moves and decisions surprise me these days.

I smile with you whenever she smiles back at you. Heavens rejoice with you.

You sure are responding to the growing seed that I have planted in your heart, a seed that speaks of me, a seed that glorifies me, a seed that gives purpose to your living. And that brings me honor.

The seed of desiring to find a wife comes from me. A wife who is not appropriate for me, but aptly for you. Someone suitable for you, so, someone I fashioned for you. Since, I created and love you, I know very well what you need, what you like, what complements you and above all, what will make you closer to me and not what will take you away from me.

As you search for her out from a growing desire to find someone to love for a lifetime, to make babies with and be a helpmate to your future family, I want to draw you more to me. The more that you build your relationship with me, the more that seed grows. Remember that seed comes from me and only me can grow that seed, so, come to me, my Son, my future Kingdom builder, my beloved.

Let me water the soil of your being, so it will be fertile. Once fertile, the seed will grow into sprout. Let me clear the clouds of fear in your head. I am the way, the truth and the life, so, with me you can clear all confusion. Let me reveal to you the great manhood that I have created you to live – out. You can do great things far more than what you thought of yourself. You have my image and likeness and, thus, you carry the power and splendor of my Name. I created that manhood and thus, you have immense strength to build, destroy and endure. Let me remind you my son, once again, that you are called to be holy for I am holy. In your holiness, in your stronger relationship with me and in your deep love for me, then, you shall gain direction and will not be dismayed when you find the person I have created, molded and will respond to your search.

My Son, I am here with you in the pursuit I have designed for your life. If you invite me to join you in your pursuit and obey to be the person who you really are in my eyes then you will be Mr Right for someone that caught your eye, someone like a prey to your hunt, someone I have fashioned, molded and loved, someone who is herself loves and honors me, too.

You have what it takes to be Mr Right and soon, be a leader of church called a family.

Your fan,
Father God

21/02/2019

Dear Sis, Going To Mass On A Date, How Should I Look? Part 3

28/09/2018


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Dear Sister,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

Since you have been seeing this man, I trust that you found essentials qualities in this man worthy to be considered for marriage.

How should we look at the outside should be as good as how we look in the inside. We are going to Mass whose God is the God of both the outside and the inside. Since you have been seeing this man, I conclude that you are desiring a vocation in marriage. The purpose of dating is creating a solid platform joyfully with mutual agreement for marriage.

I believe how should you look during the mass with this man is the look of a woman ready or preparing to be a wife (to a man worthy of her love). What kind of wife should we be? I reflected on Proverbs 31 and here what came to my heart:

  • She is trustworthy.
  • She is a good steward of resources.
  • She is a blessing.
  • She uses her talents and produces fruits out of it.
  • She takes time to plan meals on the table.
  • She reflects on how to generate income.
  • She is strong and healthy.
  • She plans ahead on what will be needed.
  • She has no idle time.
  • She is compassionate.
  • She does not forget to take care of herself.
  • She takes delights on what she has accomplished.
  • She is wise and kind and it is evident through her communication.
  • She reflects on things that will bring benefits to her household.
  • She fears the Lord.

    Those are big and holy concepts of a wife, I must admit. For singles like us who are praying for marriage, we may not yet be that version of a woman, or, partly we already are, but let’s place our hearts to desire that kind of image, then pray and work on becoming one while we still are singles.

I would like also to share a bible verse to you that convicted my heart when I kept coming to mass but my heart was filled with hatred to a man.

Matthew 5:24 Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (RSVCE)

24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

I went to confession first to attain peace within me. I continued going to mass while I prayed for perfect timing for a personal dialogue with the man. Hatred is like an acid says Rev Father Orbos and that acid can ruin your heart. That acid in one’s heart can be manifested through words and actions. Wear the look of a heart that is free from hatred. (I had reconciliation with that man and maintain a friendship.)

I wanted to end this letter here, but I felt you need to hear thoughts from a wife who actually dated a non-catholic man, but converted to Catholicism afterwards. I promise I will post it here.

For now, let me offer a prayer to you and for the rest of ladies who are dating non-Catholic men.

Dearest Father in Heaven,

Thank you placing a desire in our hearts to build a family according to Your will. Guide us to be your homemakers. May we not be blinded by the idea of “in love” but remain faithful to the true meaning of love, the kind of love that You exhibited for us.

I pray, Father in Heaven, that you keep us firm to flee from temptations and keep this dating period pure and pleasing to your eyes. We are weak in nature and prone to walk-away from Your light but we believe Your hands are bigger and able keep our hands tightly held with Yours.

O Holy Spirit, please be with us.

My dear Holy Mother Mary, please continue to intercede for us.

May we be found by men who are after Your heart, too.

Amen.

———————

Love and Beauty,

Benia

Dear Sis B “Going To Mass For A Date, How Should I Look?” Part 2

21/09/2018


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Dear Sister,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I searched in the internet and found no general dress code during Catholic mass, but, only found this from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

To prepare for worthy reception of this sacrament, the faithful should observe the fast required in their Church. Bodily demeanour (gestures, clothing) ought to convey the respect, solemnity, and joy of this moment when Christ becomes our guest – CCC 1387

So, check on the dress code required by the church you are going. Since you are going with a Non-Catholic man, you may inform him the recommended clothing for men by the parish. (Sister, take hint on this. If this man finds it himself what he is supposed to wear and expect in the mass, most likely he is interested in you. But this, just like other hints, is a not a guarantee, nonetheless should earn him a big point from you.)

Sharing here “What To Wear And What Not To Wear” from the Church of the Star of the Sea official website.

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The greatest of beauty shines from inside out. Beautiful prayer partners.

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That’s me right before going to mass at the bus stop right outside of St Teresa Church while raining heavily.

What To Wear

We should wear to Mass what we would wear if a King invited us to his home for a feast. That is, we should wear our best. Our best should never draw attention to ourselves but give the utmost respect to the King (and His family) of whom we are special guests.

What Not To Wear *

Immodest or revealing clothing is never acceptable.

For Women:

  • Any clothing that bares midriffs or cleavage.
  • Tight clothing meant to accentuate (to draw attention to) various body parts that God considers, and that we ought to consider, sacred.
  • Short skirts (above knee) or miniskirts
  • Shorts (capris are okay if they hit below the knee—but still discouraged)
  • Sleeveless tops (short sleeves are okay).

For Men:

  • Shorts (yes, even in the summer months)
  • Tank tops.

Dirty clothes are never acceptable.

An unkempt body is never acceptable (e.g., dirty hands or fingernails).

I see that you are a lady who always dresses modestly, in person and online. 🙂 But I will share it here, anyway.

Why is it Important to Dress Modestly at Mass?

Immodest dress distracts others and could cause them to sin in their thoughts, which is not why we are at Mass.

So, dressing modestly is not an issue to you, since this is your style.

The Not More Than Ten Minute -Make Up

Even if you are a beginner, limit your application of make-up to ten minutes. For me, it has two great advantages. First, You will save time and be early for mass. Second, You will avoid looking “overdone” or a worst a clown. Simplicity is a win.

I asked a pregnant friend who is a hair and make up artist for her thoughts. She dated one and only guy, a non – Catholic, who is now her husband. Here are her tips:

  1. Don’t go for a bright lippie. Go for neutrals.
  2. Pluck your eyebrows. Bushy eyebrows are for the likes of Anne Curtis. You are no Anne Curtis. (She agrees that great eyebrows bring life to a shy face.)
  3. Apply a concealer and regular powder foundation.
  4. Go for a soft blush.
  5. Put-on light mascara. Please say no to false eyelashes for this kind of event.

This is my personal tip, put-on a light scent. This is ages ago, I accidentally dropped my hanky and it is my habit that I scented my handkerchief though I only kept it in my bag. (I know all women do this.) This man that I went dinner with, got it and exclaimed “Ang bango ng panyo mo.” I only sprayed it with Bench Pink Cologne.

The Not More Than Ten Minute Hair-Dos

Sister, try to achieve the decent and clean look. The hairstyle that will make you feel confident and act natural is what you should bear in mind. Avoid coming with a dripping wet hair

You may be going to the mass with a man who likes you and you like in return for the first time but never ever forget the reason why you are coming to mass and that is for the Lord. You may know by now, what I always say, we are set to please one set of eyes and that is the eyes of our Lord. So, be in great look supremely to impress the Lord.

I’m sharing a photos of friend and myself on for a Sunday and I thought they look gorgeously Godly.

Here it is for now. Last part next week.

Love and Beauty,

Benia


Please show support. Please give me a “like” and share. Thank you and God bless.

“Dear Sis B, My Works Are Not Appreciated”

07/09/2018


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Dear Sister,

May the peace of Christ be with you.

I once in that shoes and it does not feel better compared to that feeling of loss over a favorite pet. (I belong to the family of cat lovers that brings me to many circumstances of crying because of death of old cats or kittens). Whether you feel unappreciated over your hard works in the family, office, church service, it is terrible to carry such feelings. On top of that, most of us women would keep quiet and burden ourselves with self-doubts.

Just like the love language, appreciation can be expressed through any of these: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service or touch.

Sister, take clues on how this person receives appreciation because normally how we receive appreciation is how we send appreciation to others. (But for you sisters out there who are not receiving appreciation over their hard works in the office, make it known through proper course of performance evaluation.)

 

Although the needing for appreciation may be screaming within us for quiet a while and is valid, I encourage you to shift your focus with anticipation and great joy to the image of the appreciation of the Lord.

Some people may not see or remember our good works but the good news is the Lord does. He sees and remembers our good works.

In today’s first reading, “Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then every man will receive his commendation from God.” 1 Corinthian 4:5.

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The Lord’s appreciation is much more massive and encompassing including the motive of the heart and His appreciation can’t be concealed by any force and that what matters the most.

 

Love and Beauty,
Benia

Dear Sis B, What Are My Deepest What-Ifs? (Addressing Younger Generation of Women)

10/08/2018


Dear Sis B, What Are My Deepest What-Ifs? (Addressing Younger Generation of Women)

At this time of my life where I am on my fourth decade of my existence, (Thank you Lord )I have accumulated few of greatest what-ifs. It is my hope that I can send accross an encouragement to think on your decisions today. Because every decision deserve a good thinking – through because what has been missed would stay a missed opportunity.

1. What if I sticked to my first romantic relationship?
I may be married by now but certainly I would not bloom and be able to serve in the church and dedicate my freedom to it, which I feel is one of the greatest gifts a person can experience, serving wholeheartedly a fellow.

2. What if I pursued my dream to be a cardiologist despite the disapproval of my father due to lack of funds then?

Would you believe that there are still days that I thought on this? I used to write my name Benia Densing M.D. Cardiologist in all the front page of my high school notebooks.
I guess that’s why time and again I asked for the spiritual gift of healing, I may not be a Cardiologist but spiritually, I am an avenue of healing. (By God’s grace)

3. What if I stayed in the Phillipines and did not accept the job opportunity in Singapore?

I might be married by now, I guess, but certainly, I would not be able to experience and establish my own independence, plus, definitely the financial blessings I received that came with that decision.

4. What if I did not accept the service as Chapter leader in Singles for Christ and stayed in teaching and formation only?

Time and again I encourage sister to take the role of a leader with a brother partner. This is because, I came to know that there is an essential degree of maturity gained in the way a lady speak, act and reflect when she serves with a man/brother.

If I did not accept that service role, maybe, just maybe, I would have stayed a pure lioness who always growls and never have seen the meaning of the calling of a woman designed by the Lord. That is to be a helpmate, a corrector and at the same time the source of affection and care. (Am I right, sisters? )

5. What if TOTGA ( the one that got away) did not become a TOTGA?

I initially thought that I have a TOTGA but after recalling, I can say don’t that I don’t have one. For me when a person did her best to that relationship, staying sacrificing, committed and truthful to who she/he really is, then, that person would be the TOTGA.
It is one of my deepest prayers that I will never have a TOTGA, that the Lord would shake heavens and earth so for me to realize that this person whether for friendship and spouse is the person is for me to keep and choose for lifetime.

———-

Dear Lord, Father God in heaven, when the agony of “What-Ifs” strike us please remind us about your tool which is called time. That there is time for everything, a season for every activity under the heavens. Please help us to move on and learn from our dragging “What-Ifs” so we can start anew. Amen.

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