If I could sit with my younger self today — the girl who carried responsibility too early by her own will, who thought she had to be perfect to be loved, who believed she had to hurry to prove her worth — I would take her hands and tell her this:
“Benia, I’m the middle-aged Benia.
A few months after you turn 14, there will be a fire in the neighborhood. So close to your house in Manila that you even smelled it. You are so focused and calm! I truly admire how you got the manual typewriter and your schoolbag before jumping out of the house through the window, without someone telling you to do it. I’m so proud of your focus, girl! You are one exceptional, quiet girl at your age! Once you attain your laser-like focus, it’s unshakeable, girl! Your house getting burned down will break your heart. This is the time you learned to keep everything to yourself. (I will not hug her, but I will keep my eyes on her.) This is the age you will learn and personify that clothes, shoes, and accessories do not define a girl, but intelligence does. Ang talino ang magpapaganda!
You will not join events because you don’t have great clothes to wear, and your Mama does not have extra money for clothes beyond school uniforms and Sunday clothes; however, your non-partying will, in the long run, prove to be beneficial to you. You will build the dreams of your independence. I’m so proud of you for sharing with your English class about that night of the fire; more than anything, I know you just wanted to connect your feelings with others. I see the fire in your eyes. You are not allowed to speak out your thoughts at home because it is considered disrespectful by your folks, but don’t resent it. Continue to journal those reasons and emotions.
You are beautiful at this age, and you have earned a good set of friends. Thank you for fighting for me, for who I am today.
By the way, continue having a crush on your classmate. It is the only thing that tells me now that you are a 13-year-old, girl. Hindi bawal magsuklay at magpaganda, girl.”
Before the pandemic happened, I was still single. I used to share my thoughts on real-life questions asked to me through texts or through 1-1.
The Chronicles of Benia 
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