I have second to second thoughts, meaning I am extremely hesitant of sharing to friends and families that I’m praying once again 100 Rosaries for the intention of receiving the gift of spouse. I am on this limbo for the fear that friends may not understand my seemingly stubborn desire for spouse when I am on this age or after surgeries on my body.
I have once been told not one but three ladies that they are inspired by my unstoppable attitude of prayer for a spouse. The first time I heard of it, I found myself smiling but I can tell that my eyes looked goofy as if asking “But you don’t looked inspired with your facial expression?” (Don’t get me wrong, I’m highly imaginative person and while someone tells me a story there is a big invisible movie screen playing in my head while I listened to the story.) So, I can sense this lady is not inspired but I guess skeptical! So, the third lady who told me “I am amazed you still are praying for a spouse.” There was still smile on my face but I found myself wondering, “Lord, what is Your message here?”
The Stubborn Desire
Few years ago, I invited other ladies in the community to pray with me 100 Rosaries, I even had a spreadsheet of our non – negotiable qualities for a spouse. A lot of sisters got married while others got heartbroken after praying the 100 rosaries while others stayed praying! But with hard data on my hand, I can tell most of those non – negotiable qualities written in the spreadsheet were not given during their time of dating!
The more defined the non – negotiable quality, the more the heart’s desire was granted.
What I’m Learning in Praying the 100 Rosaries
This year I decided to pray once again 100 rosaries, this is my third round. Initially, my intention was only for gift of spouse but before I have to start it, there came a prayer requests from friends for a job, safe delivery of a child and for the gift of child.
While I may be praying the same prayer over and over again, there come waves of reflections and realizations each time I pray this.
Here are few of those realizations and reflections from my experience of three rounds of praying the 100 rosaries:
- Jesus could have brought back Lazarus to life because Mary and Martha were crying.
One night while praying, I remembered few men that trusted me with their stories. These men are basically good men, no criminal records, with stable jobs and earning well and in fact, really well. These men have common point and that is they can not take the sight of a loved woman crying. Even the hardest of man I know can’t afford to close his eyes on his crying daughter. Women can move men to take the bravest action because of tears and Jesus was not an exemption. Lazarus would certainly reach heaven after his death and that means he will join God the Father, so Jesus could allow death to happen on Lazarus. But, He did not and Jesus defied time when Lazarus has been dead for days and performed a miracle. I can only guessed, Jesus like these men that I have talked to was moved to do great action after seeing women He love in tears. Tears are the most powerful weapon of a lady over men, and not her body.
You are praying for a gift, you must be a gift yourself.
Since you are praying to the God of good gifts, you must be a gift yourself. If you think that you are body, brains and beauty that make you a God’s gift, then you need to reflect again.
- Strong woman is not the same as proud and unteachable woman. And a Godly woman does not submit to all men, at all times. ( I’m excited to write here my Esther reflection, hopefully soon.)
- Any woman who is praying for a spouse should pray for spiritual strength.
- Any woman who is praying for a husband should find a man who commands her respect, wins her love, desired and cherished by that man.
- A woman who is praying for a husband is also looking for happiness from giving oneself fully to another. And fully means opening yourself up and exposing your vulnerabilities and creating a space where you and your future husband can grow.
- A woman who is praying for a spouse is not looking for someone to make her happy but for her joy to be complete.
What is astonishing with my experience in praying 100 rosaries in 100 days for the intention of receiving the gift of spouse is it opens and shape the heart of the lady who prays to be the best gift herself not for her future spouse but above all to her eternal spouse – His maker the Lord.
For that may God be praised.