Reflection June 2018

Shameless Sharing (Your Share of The Hardship)

cameff_15282680506121949263890166791094.png2016, My previous SFC Household leader approached me if I can share for the upcoming International Conference set to happen in less than a month for the first time outside Philippines, here in Singapore.

I don’t say “no” to giving talks and sharing especially if my time would allow it, less for finances.

But this time I was doubly hesitant not only because this is International Conference, but at the back of my mind the fear of rejection from possible admirers and suitors was playing. “Surely, it would put them off “, I told myself. I was at that time was admiring and infatuated deeply to a guy from the community, let’s call him Brother Zero.

That fear Brother Zero will totally be NOT considering me a potential romantic friend and I will lose the chance to seen as potential wife really drew me to be scared and indignant that I am being called to share. Not to mention I also feared to been with pity and sadness by people who will hear my story.  I was expecting sorrow, confusion and sadness to envelope me for days head as I prayed for affirmation if I’m being called to share. My 15 years in the community did somehow told me to expect those kind of “oppression”. But as the days passed by, I was given a week to write my story because organizers said they were other “candidates” for sharers and they too do not know yet who will share. So as the days went by, I prayed and opened once again my journal during that time of my life. I dread that time when I have to open my old journals, it was a sad and challenging medical ordeal.
As I wrote my sharing, I felt clarity of thoughts, peace of mind and hope filling my heart. Although I was crying while I wrote my sharing and looked back at that first day of my medical history, gratitude filled my heart. Those were tears of gratitude that through out that season of my medical challenge away from my family in Manila, I was never, ever left alone and felt abandoned.
So, a day before International Conference and after I got interviewed by organizers, I was told that I was selected to be the 3rd sharer for the last talk, second day of the conference . I can’t sleep that night and held on for God’s word and encouragement. I was in tears dating “Lord, if ever You still want me to get married, then please allow my future husband to see me beautifully for whoever and whatever my body has with all the scars and imperfections. I prayed for my the one for seriously I felt I would look unattractive to him. Then I surrendered everything to the Lord and looked forward in the Singles International Conference because aside from sharing, I will serve in social media communications.
So the sharing happened and I only remembered the smoke in the audience for I can not see them from the stage and my freight disappeared. But I heard them laughing at the end. And I thought they enjoyed my sharing.
For about a month I received close to a 50 Facebook messages from strangers across the world how they got touched and moved with my “unstoppable” sharing. All of those I don’t know. My WhatsApp messenger almost broke because it got filled with tons of words of affirmation. It took me months to reply for I am overwhelmed and seemed paralyzed to reply.

I felt who am I to receive a portion of the glory of the Lord. I am but a servant… an unstoppable servant.

There is a hardship in proclaiming God’s love and goodness but all of this are not for own glory but for Him who is worthy of it. But that hardship is nothing compared to the glory of the Kingdom of God.
May God be praised. Thank you for reading.

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