It’s way past 12am and I’m still walking going home. I came from a service meeting to lead a retreat. This retreat aims to build relationship, Christian relationships. I am tired and in few hours I will be going to an early work and my mind started to think about my breakfast and lunch that I will be bringing to work. I haven’t cooked yet. I wanted to keep healthy and vowed to feed myself with healthy foods. As I remembered that I don’t have those yet and I need to sleep once I reached home, I felt a sudden loneliness over a fact – I’m alone.
Gosh, I’m alone.
I looked around and I was the only one walking. I enjoy walking here, from the MRT station to home and that is around a 700m distance even late at night, a gift of safety in Singapore. But tonight, why of a sudden, I conspicuously noticed that I am alone and finally noticed it was starless night. I thought that most of the people are sleeping and maybe with someone, that they are well-fed before sleeping or maybe somebody even tucked them to bed. Gosh, I’m alone and I will be co-leading a retreat for singles so they can have better Christian relationship, but, here tonight I am walking under a starless sky alone.
Let me regress a little bit, my brother died two years ago and he was killed by gunshots at his heart but he did not die alone. His youngest son did not leave him.
Tonight, not that I want to die now, I realised that my brother is just so blessed to have someone with him even at his death place. How many people in this world will get to die with someone seeing them through?
Here, Gosh, I’m alone.
When I reached home, I cried and bent my knees in front of the altar.
“Lord, if you want me to do things alone for the rest of my life, then, take this desire to be married. Shower me with relationships that will make my life joy-filled, just joy, Lord. I just don’t wish for anything but joy.”
May you find someone with you today who loves and accepts you for who you are and for what you have.